Blog entry for:

to quit with no reservations. maybe to put up my hand at my next meeting and admit i am an addict. well,i could write about how i have fought the concept of surrender from the very beginning, that would make a wonderful topic this fine Sunday morning. BUT i have written about that many times before, or i could write about surrendering, finally, to the fact that i am an addict would also be a wonderful discourse, that too has been done before. instead i think i will ponder what really jumped out at me today, and that is, even after some time clean, i still need to surrender.
after pounding my head against the proverbial wall for hours and hours yesterday, and starting to do so again this morning, i stopped and decided to wipe clean the slate that i had been writing on and move in a new direction, and it worked! i finished that task in ten minutes, and it felt good. the part of me i call my disease is like that too. that part of me, fights with all it has to do things the old way and as i get more and more frustrated with the results, i come closer and closer to make the decision to use, after all, that part of me tells me that here is the evidence that this is not working out. so here is where the choice must be made, either surrender to the fact that i need to go tin another direction in my efforts or surrender to the lie, that i cannot recover. even though i know it is a lie, that siren song is tempting on especially bad days, and even on not so bad days. what helps me, is to take a quick look at the changes that have been manifest in my life since that very first surrender all those days ago, and see that like Odysseus, following the siren’s song will only destroy the ship of my life on the shoals of active addiction.
so am i willing to surrender today? absolutely and without any conditions, i am an addict, i do not know how to live without the guidance of the fellowship that has given me a new manner in which to live. so i think i will progress forward into my day with that thought in mind!

∞ DT ∞