Blog entry for:

be easy, but it is very simple, to stay clean, for the rest of my life, just for today. the trick for this addict? CEASE FIGHTING! okay, i have to admit, i went down a path that i really do not like to do, yesterday, i minimized a peer with whom i had a few issues. although it worked in a personal sense, i could let go of them and my perceived “injuries,” i also know that i cannot progress in the local fellowship and keep that sort of image of one of my peers in my head. life is far too short to walk around with regrets and part of my TENTH STEP last night was to ask for the ability to let go and allow myself the freedom to be okay with who someone was and the ways and means i need follow to get over it. i got what i asked for, and even though it will require a bit of effort on my part, it really is a simply elegant solution. i had to surrender to the fact that they may not get what leadership qualities are of value to me and how one might implement them in service.
'nuff said, moving on. i also am having issues with the lack of quiet time i am unable to get, to improve my skills. this morning, for instance, as i am trying to get out for my workout, i have had two recruiters hounding me for replies to their offers. i tell myself that is a good thing and yet i find myself chafing under the yoke of them trying to do their jobs. i had to take a deep breath and allow myself a minute to decompress and not snap back at them, after all they apparently do know who i am and are trying to get me something i desire, a new position. i understand that i am reacting, rather than responding and taking on the job of judging others through their past behaviors and actions, even if i have never interacted with them before. that is not the sort of person i want to be, so i have to surrender to the fact that being jobless is stressful and cease fighting the FEAR that arises from not knowing where my next paycheck is coming from, or when it will arrive.
where does all of this leave me? in a simply better place, the cockroach has been eliminated and restored to person-hood in my mind, i can go with the flow with my finances and career and find it within me to improve my skills, living and professional. on that note it is time to suit up and head on out, to get some miles under my belt and burn off some of the emotions that are turning me into someone i do not want to be around. i am okay and a job or lack thereof does not make b=me any better or worse than those around me, no matter what i want to tell myself.

∞ DT ∞