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peace can be found in accepting the ebb and flow of life. alrighty then, i know that this reading is about seeking guidance through an active participation in the eleventh step. i also know that this reading talks about the wills, like which will, i am i following. over the course of my recovery, and exposure to the program, what i hear from any particular reading changes, from year to year. so this morning what i heard, was the path to acceptance. yes there is the part about self-will and the will of a HIGHER POWER. and yes there is the part of about the process of discovering the difference. although all of that is important, what seems to keep coming up for is my inability to tolerate let alone accept the situations in my life. yes, i am one that wants what i want, i can accept that as a human trait that as an addict i have taken to an extreme. but i also want the world, the people in it and those with whom i interact to behave in a certain way; true to the values they espouse and seeking a higher path. what i see in others, especially in those i cannot tolerate, i am certain is what i see in myself, and what i cannot tolerate and accept in them, is the mirror image of what i cannot tolerate or accept in myself. so the next step is to pray for the ability to accept in myself what i cannot accept in others, and listen for the drum roll that precede the answer. no not really, that kind of insight does not come with any accompaniment in my life. those answers come quietly in the whispers of what is going on around me, with those with whom i interact.
therein lies the problem. when my internal chatter is louder than those whispers, which is most often the case, i am oblivious to those whispers and living in self-will. so the second part of the eleventh step takes over -- namely quieting the internal roar to a place where i can "hear" what i NEED to hear, long after i rise from my daily meditation.
so the ebb and flow of life, the internal roar of the part of me i call my addiction, and the peace i seek are always there, all i have to do is allow myself the freedom to shift towards the quiet, and i will progress. sounds simple, and perhaps, just for toady it is something i can give a whirl to see what happens. after all, life is all about change, and what needs to change the most is me. so off to the salt mines, it is a good day to be in recovery, and most of all it is time for me to see what i need to accept today.

∞ DT ∞