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healing in humor. have you heard the one where the addict upon sitting down to start their eleventh step transposes two words of what they used for the seed, and ended-up contemplation the nature of finding humor in healing? it is a true fact and one i have no problem sharing, because on all sorts of levels, it truly is funny and by allowing others to see me in all my human glory, i prevent this little faux pas from becoming something toxic to me. stuff like this used to be, stuff i did my best to stuff and hide away forever, even though forever never seemed long enough. when someone uncovered something like this, my reaction was to deny, obfuscate though excuses, rationalizations and justifications and when all else failed blame someone or something else, after all, i was certainly far better than that. it is quite a weight off my back, that i have found a way to laugh at my mistakes, when they contain a bit of humor, as well as find the ways and means to use those missteps to inform my decision-making in the future and not repeat the avoidable ones.
coming back to the actual topic and not my faux dyslexic one, i do find that my peers in recovery seem to share a “different” manner at looking at our pasts and presents than those who are not addicts in recovery. i know when i was using, i never found anything humorous about my situation and the stuff that i did that i might judge to be embarrassing or humiliating, were quickly relegated to the process described above. when i was in mere abstinence, i used those stories, with more than a little bit of embellishment, as the ways and means to “fit in,” and look like the rest of those with whom i was hanging out. the method to my madness kept me apart and certainly did little to change my reputation of being far too serious. that perception has lingered on for decades, but rest assured i am a whole lot “lighter” today.
coming back to the here and now, it is time to get a walk in, to help heal from my activities from yesterday. my FitBit says to do nothing today, but of course, i am going to ignore that advice and strike a compromise between that guidance and what my head is telling me to do. as a result, i will walk around the neighborhood for less than six miles at a relaxed pace, to stretch out my overworked quads and calves. my life may have it flaws and certainly has more than enough stuff that i find silly and even downright outrageously funny on a daily basis. that does not mean i am sick or getting sicker, it just means i am human and have to admit that i am far from any sort of standard of perfection, just for today.

∞ DT ∞