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there are gaps -- i am a round peg in square hole! today i find many of the weird stuff i did in active addiction and the thoughts and beliefs that i carried forward into recovery, ironically ludicrous. my life and how i live it may look “normal” to those who did not see me way back when, but i can assure you, that i am still an addict and prone to drop into familiar behaviors and thought patterns without a nanoseconds's notice. as well adjusted and normal as i may look, those gaps come up all the time, when i am dealing with those outside the aegis of recovery. the ideas and notions that float around my head would more than likely “curl the hair” of those in my life, who are not addicts. my peers on the other hand, would enjoy a hearty belly laugh with me, as i put that nonsense out on the table. that is the joy of finding my “peeps,” i have folks in my life that “get me.”
as i prepared to start my day, i dreaded the walk i had with my good friend and peer. lately they have been less than positive and very resistant to any of my perspectives. i thought for a very long minute about making and excuse or three and calling the whole thing off. i decided, dang it all, that the next right thing to do, was to honor my commitment and remember that i have choices today. the walk, while far too slow for my taste, went off without a hitch and i actually felt better as a result of being true to myself. when i own my stuff, i feel better.
the rest of this weekend looks as if i will get to chill and coast into the work week. i have no commitments, no drama and certainly no work, save for preparing for fantasy football, which will now be an obsession for the next few weeks. ;locking in a winning strategy and preparing my list and checking it twice is certainly not a bad way to wile away this afternoon.

∞ DT ∞