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just might be found in my acceptance of the ebb and flow of life. after my long stint of being awake and the amount of hours i am putting in at work this week, i am not the most spiritual cat on the block. far from it, and it really chafes my hide, when i hear my peers, put themselves up on some sort of spiritual pedestal. in fact, this week i am perverse enough to hope to see them when they tumble down. the other thing that is irking me this week, is newcomers and the revolving door denizens, giving me advice and lumping me into a the same category with sweeping generalizations. the use of “you” and “we” statement in meetings in driving me nuts. it is true that i am an addict. it is also true that i am seeking recovery. it is NOT true, that the newest of the new have that much to offer as far as telling me how to stay clean. it is also certainly not true, that those who cannot stay clean, really have little in common, with those among us, that actually do this gig, day after day after day. providing feedback or advice is far from helpful or comforting and smacks of pure bullsh!t denial. now that i have spewed a bit about the garbage that is driving me nuts, perhaps it is time to venture forth on to a more spiritual path.
yes there was certainly a time in my life when i expected miracles on demand. the ironic part is that when i expected that sort of event, i seemed to get them, or at least when i was looking for a miracle i could find its manifestation in my life. amazingly when i stopped looking for them, i still got exactly what i needed to stay clean in that day and thrive in my life of recovery. what that seems to indicate to me, is that there is a POWER fueling my recovery and that is all i have to know. when i get all wrapped up in GOD's will and self -will, and trying to determine which is which, i get confused, frustrated and resentful. when i just accept all that life has to offer,. i actually find the peace i am truly seeking. my spiritual path is one of acceptance and balance and the deeper i dive into allowing the world to happen, the more stable i feel, even after being awake for 40 hours straight. i know that my spiritual balance has been affected by the lack of work life balance and that what is the reality of right now, may not be the reality tomorrow. letting go of my expectations and allowing the world to spin as it will, is my credo just for today. i can be okay with whatever may happens at 1 PM this afternoon, as long as i do my best and remember that a pile of words to try and cover what i do not know, is not the best course of action. it certainly is a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞