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that kind of thinking and praying did not change until i began to work the steps. the only way out of the trouble i have made for myself is through surrender to a Power greater than myself. this reading certainly comes in handy this morning, as i have to answer one of my sponsees by commenting on his step work. i received his correspondence on Friday, and i have been letting go of my response for the most part all weekend long, waiting for an inspiration to hit me, as i know this is the very issue where he always get stuck. not that he is anywhere close to working an 11th step, so how does that fit in what the reading was talking about.
well, it applies to me. i thought about asking for clarity so i could help guide my sponsee through the thicket of his non-functional belief structure, but decided instead just to listen and be aware of what was going on around me. it is the nature of my belief, that if i let go of something that is on my mind, and surrender it to POWERS GREATER THAN ME, that the answer i NEED will be supplied. in this case, it seems to have worked. over the past sixteen hours, a direction has been suggested to me, and when i trot around the neighborhood this morning with my dawg, i am certain that the rest of what i need to hear will be made evident. i must confess, i did pray to win the power ball jackpot the other day, and someone in South Carlina won it instead, so there still is within me, the notion of the Santa God. as much as i have grown, the old stuff still seems to cling to the edges, and never get quite scraped all the way off. at least it is not like mold, that starts regrowing and reclaiming territory.
so i was talking about how surrendering my expectations was working for me. even though i asked to win millions of dollars, i really had no expectation of doing so, it was a lark for me, and not some sort of test for my new working concept of a HIGHER POWER, after all, why should i set myself up for failure like that. if this last set of steps has taught me anything, it is my expectations, especially for myself, that are my own worst enemy. when i let go of my expectations, when i am present for what is going on within me and around me, and when i seek the answers for questions that i do not even know are on my heart, i GET exactly what i need, whether i know i need it or not.
learning to live in this manner is difficult, and now i have the unpleasant task of shattering a sponsee’s denial structure with a massive blow of spiritual rationality. i know it is what is needed for him to move forward, and i know that i have to take this one small shock at a time. i am however, assured that if i listen to what i am being told, i will walk him through this trauma, wand the two of us will come out the other side better off, and better men for the effort. it is time however to sign off and move on to the task task of the day, to finish the process that was started with my morning listening session.
HASTA LA VISTA BABY.

∞ DT ∞