Blog entry for:

i often wonder if i really built my recovery on a solid foundation. the only evidence that i can look at is the fact that i have a few days in a row clean. does this mean that i have been lucky and have yet to have me recovery tested or does this mean that i actually worked the steps necessary to build a solid foundation?
an interesting and perplexing question for which there really is no answer.
the addict part of me will answer of course i have a solid foundation and as a result i can probably start slacking on doing those things that GOT me clean like: attending meetings, working with a sponsor, developing a deepening relationship with a POWER GREATER THAN ME and reading the literature. that way i will have more time for enjoying the life i have now. the life i have now is some kind of reward for getting and staying clean, so why not try THE EXPERIMENT and enjoy my new LIFE.
the recovery part of me will answer a BIG qualified maybe. the facts are that i have experienced deep pain and loss in recovery and not used; that i have somehow managed to put together a few days clean; and that i have lost the desire to use does not mean that i am necessarily of solid ground. i still am the addict that walked into these rooms all those days ago. the things i had to do to GET clean are the same things i need to do to STAY clean, the addict part of me has not gone away nor has it weakened over time. i have to remain vigilant for new reservations and the new more insidious means it uses against my recovery today.
do i have a foundation built on sand? probably not. does that mean that i can start to slack? definitely not! each day i can continue to strengthen and enhance my life in recovery!
-- DT --