โ once my foundation is prepared, then i can go full steam ahead to put my new life together. โ
Posted: Wed, Nov 22, 2006 07:21:02 AM
but first i must ask myself if my foundation is secure, for without my foundation, nothing i build can stand for long.
since i am not a trustworthy judge of myself, it is a bit difficult to put much stock in my answer to this question. of course, my foundation is secure, i have worked two full cycles of the twelve steps, i have conceded to my innermost self that i am an addict and my life is unmanageable, and i have a system of support in place, what more does one addict need to do to have a firm foundation!
that is the crux of this question, do i live in doubt the rest of my life, not making any plans to better my situation in life, not pursuing my dreams, living in FEAR that if i move from the lobby that i will relapse and spin down in to the flames of active addiction? and the answer is.......
..... NO of course not!
i believe i have a strong foundation on which to build my new life, however that does not mean that i can ignore those very basic and simple tasks, that allowed me to move forward.
when i tell myself that meetings are not necessary to continue moving forward i can perform the experiment of cutting back on my meeting attendance and see what happens. lately i have been doing just that and have found the bare minimum number of meetings that work for me. what that number is, is no one else’s business, what works for me may or may not work for anyone else.
can i stop calling other addicts and still move forward, and the answer for me has been not yet. i still need a daily dose of one addict helping another addict.
can i get away with slacking on my conscious contact with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS? well this is one aspect of my recovery where i am unwilling to compromise. since i lacked any FAITH or DESIRE to have FAITH when i came to recovery, i NEED to remind myself that the past few days clean have not been the result of any power i inherently possess.
so am i willing to leave before the miracle happens? (i know one of those clichés) well not today, i am doing what i need to do to maintain the condition of my foundation so as i move forward in this new manner of living, i am ready to become more than i ever was and allow a process to continue based on the spiritual principles that choose to live by today!
and that my dear readers is task enough for any addict on any given day.
since i am not a trustworthy judge of myself, it is a bit difficult to put much stock in my answer to this question. of course, my foundation is secure, i have worked two full cycles of the twelve steps, i have conceded to my innermost self that i am an addict and my life is unmanageable, and i have a system of support in place, what more does one addict need to do to have a firm foundation!
that is the crux of this question, do i live in doubt the rest of my life, not making any plans to better my situation in life, not pursuing my dreams, living in FEAR that if i move from the lobby that i will relapse and spin down in to the flames of active addiction? and the answer is.......
..... NO of course not!
i believe i have a strong foundation on which to build my new life, however that does not mean that i can ignore those very basic and simple tasks, that allowed me to move forward.
when i tell myself that meetings are not necessary to continue moving forward i can perform the experiment of cutting back on my meeting attendance and see what happens. lately i have been doing just that and have found the bare minimum number of meetings that work for me. what that number is, is no one else’s business, what works for me may or may not work for anyone else.
can i stop calling other addicts and still move forward, and the answer for me has been not yet. i still need a daily dose of one addict helping another addict.
can i get away with slacking on my conscious contact with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS? well this is one aspect of my recovery where i am unwilling to compromise. since i lacked any FAITH or DESIRE to have FAITH when i came to recovery, i NEED to remind myself that the past few days clean have not been the result of any power i inherently possess.
so am i willing to leave before the miracle happens? (i know one of those clichés) well not today, i am doing what i need to do to maintain the condition of my foundation so as i move forward in this new manner of living, i am ready to become more than i ever was and allow a process to continue based on the spiritual principles that choose to live by today!
and that my dear readers is task enough for any addict on any given day.
∞ DT ∞