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built on sand, is an apt metaphor for what i am feeling after my two month review on Friday. what that feeling is leading me towards is to put my professional development ahead of my spiritual development, at least for the next four weeks. as tempting as that may sound, what is a whole lot more likely is that my “self” time will be consumed about getting better and faster at my job and that may not be a bad thing, as what was presented to me on Friday, is certainly a wake-up call that i can no longer keep “coasting” along, as i have been doing the past couple of months. i have five days off coming up starting Wednesday and i will make the best use of that time, giving me the opportunity to come back next week as a stronger, more confident member of my team.
as i sat this morning and contemplated where i am in my life, i could see that despite the foundation i have built, i can still be on shaky ground. as i pound this out, i am trying to get the work i did this weekend, up to the cloud, so i can properly test it, as my current local build, does not quite work. over the weekend, my stress level went to a place where i was ready to engage in some unhealthy behavior and go to the local 7-11 for a quick fix. the “need” was so strong that i had even convinced myself that i could buy a pack, smoke one or two and drop the rest off somewhere that would let a lucky person have something more. what happened, was that i went to the well, my well of FAITH and strength and drew from it what i needed to make it through until the urge had passed. not only am i 10 dollars richer, i am also showed myself that i do have the tools necessary to move forward in my life and succeed, the Christmas present i am hoping to get, is continued employment at my current job.
as i prepare to step out into dawn's early light, i can be sure that i am on the correct path. as my success yesterday demonstrates, i do have a foundation in my recovery and the ways and means to implement spiritual principles in my daily life. life is a bit tricky for me these days and the least i can do is pay attention to what is going on and be present for the next right thing to do, just for today.

∞ DT ∞