ฮด addiction affects every area of my life. just as i sought the substance that would make everything alright โฆ
Posted: Wed, Apr 1, 2009 09:13:30 AM
...so i sought people to fix us. often, the only people left were those who were themselves too needy to be capable of denying my unrealistic expectations. of course as i stay clean and live a program of active recovery, these expectations just vanish into the ether and no longer exist, that is the promise, is it not?
well, from what i know today, it is not the case. yes, as i get better, i become less needy and dependent on others. yes as i work the steps my expectations of the people with whom i share my life change, but that does not mean my expectations suddenly vanish or even become realistic, DANG IT! what does happen, is that as i become healthier, the chances of my expectations of others and my relationships becoming healthier increase. i have no control over others, but i can learn to accept that just because i am getting better does not mean that others are getting better at the same time. that seems to be the problem lately. here i sit, getting better, and i see most of my relationships evolving in a similar manner. those who are the most active in my life, seem to be growing right along with me. others, especially those who purport to have recovery because they have time, seem to be frozen in time, incapable of seeing that i have grown beyond what i was. this is where my frustration comes in, and this is where day after day, i get stuck, and where i feel angry, and most of all, after all is said and done where i feel sadness.
so where is the HOPE? well for one, if i can recover, build strong, healthy relationships, than that is true for anyone else. the trick is, that as i attempt to do to the best of my ability, is that they must work a program of active recovery. just as i get sick when i start to believe that i have done enough step work, or that no one ever changes, so do they. my task is to move forward, forgive them their transgressions for they are among the clueless and let go, after all, i do not need the added burden of their stuff or a new resentment. life is far too short for that today.
so off to town to get my monthly stuff done!
well, from what i know today, it is not the case. yes, as i get better, i become less needy and dependent on others. yes as i work the steps my expectations of the people with whom i share my life change, but that does not mean my expectations suddenly vanish or even become realistic, DANG IT! what does happen, is that as i become healthier, the chances of my expectations of others and my relationships becoming healthier increase. i have no control over others, but i can learn to accept that just because i am getting better does not mean that others are getting better at the same time. that seems to be the problem lately. here i sit, getting better, and i see most of my relationships evolving in a similar manner. those who are the most active in my life, seem to be growing right along with me. others, especially those who purport to have recovery because they have time, seem to be frozen in time, incapable of seeing that i have grown beyond what i was. this is where my frustration comes in, and this is where day after day, i get stuck, and where i feel angry, and most of all, after all is said and done where i feel sadness.
so where is the HOPE? well for one, if i can recover, build strong, healthy relationships, than that is true for anyone else. the trick is, that as i attempt to do to the best of my ability, is that they must work a program of active recovery. just as i get sick when i start to believe that i have done enough step work, or that no one ever changes, so do they. my task is to move forward, forgive them their transgressions for they are among the clueless and let go, after all, i do not need the added burden of their stuff or a new resentment. life is far too short for that today.
so off to town to get my monthly stuff done!
∞ DT ∞