Blog entry for:

i seek the same kind of freedom in my relationships that i find throughout my recovery. honestly the kind of morning i am having, i might as well shut everything off, go back to bed and hide under the covers for the next 24 hours or so. nothing is going the way i want it to, everything is taking longer than it should and DAMMIT i am more than a bit frustrated. so what do i do instead? well i take a deep breath, remember what i am here for and move forward.
so, the reading was about addiction warping my relationships, as i look a little deeper, that is such a no-brainer, that to believe anything else, was just plain ignorant on my part. ironically, i once believed getting clean would be the answer to all my relationships problems, and all it was, was a start. no one warned me that it would take two or three trips through the steps to begin to get a grip on my relationship issues. no one warned me, that unless i knew who i was, i was destined to continue to repeat the same insanity in my relationships, as i did when i was using. no one told me that the most important relationship i needed to develop was the one with the POWER that fuels my recovery. sure they tried to tell me that, than they wrapped it up in this pseudo-religious bullsh!t and talked about mysteries and stuff being beyond my understanding, just do what they did, and all would be well. when i finally pierced that veil, and saw beyond what ii thought they were trying to tell me, my relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery opened up. ironically, it was my relationship with myself that laid the groundwork for that spiritual growth. when i started my second set of steps, it was supposed to be all about romantic relationships, but by the time i got through that process, it ended up being about the relationship i have with myself. reaching that point, i was FINALLY ready to be a part of a loving and equal relationship and i do not regret those days that i was alone, learning to love myself, while i came to be a person that COULD have a healthy relationship.
anyhow, i am way too distracted by what i have to get done to write anything more this morning, so i will say i am grateful that the recovery process that has given me the means to be a part of all the relationships in my life.

∞ DT ∞