ฮผ in active addiction, fear of the future and what might happen was a reality for me. ฮผ
Posted: Wed, Apr 29, 2009 09:11:45 AM
i played out entire conversations and scenarios before they ever occurred, then charted my course on the basis of **what if...** by doing this, i set myself up for disappointment after disappointment. okay, honestly, there are some days when reality and living in the present tense SUCK. yesterday was almost one of those days, although today feels a whole lot better, perhaps it will be, and for right now i can live with that. so what was it that made yesterday so terrible for me? well for one, i worked for over ten hours, and i am not used to that. i had to rescue one of my clients, by reloading their computer, so they lost no more than a single day of work, which meant that after i finished all the stuff on my desk and was ready to call it day, i had to work another three hours, and this is slow and painful brainless stuff, which probably was a good thing.
so here i sit this morning, running a bit behind my schedule, working up the energy to go trot around the neighborhood, and guess what -- LIVING IN THE WORLD OF WHAT IF!
the times in which we are living are certainly interesting ones. this morning i started thinking that i might have to go back to work for a corporation or even a small business, as it looks like my major clients may not survive the downturn. then there is the swine flu, i have had woken with a headache the past two days. and of course the normal dose of chaos and turmoil that fill the sound bites that comprise the daily news. so with all of this going on, even a so-called normal person would have trouble staying in the moment.
okay, there i have said it. what can i fix today? well i can do what is in front of me, by applying myself to the tasks at hand. i can start to put out some feelers for a new client and polish my resume up. and start to build my portfolio of tricks that i have developed over the past couple of years. and i can go run around the streets, and burn off a bit oif the stress i am creating for myself.
while none of this will definitely solve anything that may or may not be looming in my future, it is stuff i can to do, to bring me back to the here and now, and keep me from detouring into the land of **what if**.
that though is comforting enough to give me the courage to actively practice THIRD STEP, do what the next right thing and see what THIS day happens to bring me. all this and more, fills me with a bit of HOPE and more than a modicum of gratitude, after all, i do have a place to dump my stuff, my worries, and my concerns into, so that i can free myself of the burden of stuff i actually have no power over. and that is how i think i will leave it for today.
so here i sit this morning, running a bit behind my schedule, working up the energy to go trot around the neighborhood, and guess what -- LIVING IN THE WORLD OF WHAT IF!
the times in which we are living are certainly interesting ones. this morning i started thinking that i might have to go back to work for a corporation or even a small business, as it looks like my major clients may not survive the downturn. then there is the swine flu, i have had woken with a headache the past two days. and of course the normal dose of chaos and turmoil that fill the sound bites that comprise the daily news. so with all of this going on, even a so-called normal person would have trouble staying in the moment.
okay, there i have said it. what can i fix today? well i can do what is in front of me, by applying myself to the tasks at hand. i can start to put out some feelers for a new client and polish my resume up. and start to build my portfolio of tricks that i have developed over the past couple of years. and i can go run around the streets, and burn off a bit oif the stress i am creating for myself.
while none of this will definitely solve anything that may or may not be looming in my future, it is stuff i can to do, to bring me back to the here and now, and keep me from detouring into the land of **what if**.
that though is comforting enough to give me the courage to actively practice THIRD STEP, do what the next right thing and see what THIS day happens to bring me. all this and more, fills me with a bit of HOPE and more than a modicum of gratitude, after all, i do have a place to dump my stuff, my worries, and my concerns into, so that i can free myself of the burden of stuff i actually have no power over. and that is how i think i will leave it for today.
∞ DT ∞