Blog entry for:

...to guide me through any situation. a cool and rainy start is the reality for independence day, at my humble abode. i woke up at 6:15 to a brief but intense shower and now with a window open, i am enjoying the rain-scrubbed fresh air. one may find it strange that i am starting this entry, a blog about living a life of applying spiritual principles to get through the sticky situations i may find myself in, by commenting on the weather. the reason for that will soon be revealed as i get rolling.
so as i was saying the storm this morning did not really wake me up, the dawg had already asked to go out and do his morning thang, and i had already said my prayers and was just laying there in a state of somewhere between snoozing and wakefulness. in that semi-conscious state, i often dream, this morning however, i was just quiet, no thoughts, no going over my list of plans, no dreams, just a placid stillness, that was interrupted by the sudden pounding of rain on the roof. more than likely, i could have rolled over and returned to that state between, instead i decided that it was time for me to get out of bed and see what i could get started on my day. there was an e-mail from a client i needed to respond to, there was a dawg that needed feeding, and i was hungry and ready for breakfast. by getting up, i addressed all of that and more. i was diligent in taking care to do the next right thing, and although there has been some crap going on internally over the past few months, this morning i am still in a state of apparent grace that was granted to me, by getting direction on my step work. what has started to be resolved is the conflict that has been going on within me. this conflict started when i “rounded the corner” by completing my 12th step and starting to commence a new step cycle. it would be easy to flog myself as some sort of moron, that i did not see what was going on inside of me however today i am certain that i was incapable of seeing what it was or what the root cause of that conflict could possibly be. i am not some sort of step-technician, and although i am getting better at being present for what is going on inside of me, i am far from perfect. what had and did happen, was i had to allow the gnawing sense of something wrong inside of me to manifest into something concrete, so i could find the direction through the principles of the program, namely a 12 step cycle, to address the problem and uncover the solution. in this case, starting a step cycle without the patience to find out what the focus needed to be, would have been like attacking the problem with a shotgun. if i shot at it enough times i would have gotten to the place where i finally hit it, but the collateral damage might have too much to easily repair. so as i patiently awaited the enlightenment to happen, i still did everything i could to live a life based on the spiritual principles that i have been given by a program of recovery. amazingly, most of the changes i have made in my life are what i needed to do and are in alignment with what this set of steps seems to be focusing on. by allowing myself to ‘hear’ the voice of a HIGHER POWER, i made some decisions that have now been shown to be spot on. just like arising during the storm this morning, i am now be awakened to the path towards a solution for a problem i was uncertain i had. now that the clouds have withdrawn, i can savor the fresh air of my spiritual path and start to feel the HOPE, that yes there is even relief for me through the 12 step process.
anyhow, speaking of being present, i need to take advantage in this break in the rain to trot around my neighborhood and continue to celebrate my independence from addiction that has been achieved by the revolution of the program of recovery that i am embarked upon, so until next time, rest assured, i am doing my best too live by the principles i have been given, and if we get into a conflict, there is probably one or two principles my human nature has chosen to disregard.

∞ DT ∞