Blog entry for:

and differences of opinion, will always be part of living life on its own terms. how i respond, rather than react to those situations, is where the HOPE lies. Sunday morning tasks are nearly completed and i will not be interrupted again, at least by what i “need” to get done today. when i got here, conflict meant working as hard as i could to get the other side to surrender and at least say that they agreed with me. i was always “right” and would batter and bully my opponent into submission. not a very healthy way to “manage” conflict. it would be nice to say that once i got clean and accepted recovery as a way of life, all of that changed. the fact is, it did not. it took step work and time to get to a place of knowing that i did not know.
i still have the desire to react when presented with conflict, rather than respond. the difference today is, that i have a choice. reaction may still be “hard-wired” into me, but it no longer has to be my default behavior. taking a break and allowing my head to catch-up with my heart, is an option, and oftentimes, when i allow my passion to be diminished a bit, i can decide if this is a battle i truly need to fight. i have had to make many amends and admit i was wrong, more times than i can count, because i had to win all battles. as i grow and that need diminishes, it is nice that the corrective part of STEP 10 is needed less and less.
moving into the rest of my day, i see now that the angst i have been feeling, was a reaction to “little” parts of my life that i have blown way out of proportion. i am creating conflict within myself, when none really need not exist. the internal battles i am waging, really are a result of unmet expectations and when as i begin to see that, my internal landscape smooths out and i lose the angst that i have been feeling. i have training to do, laundry to finish, steps to get and fireworks to witness, as part of my day today. if for some reason, my plans do not pan out, i can be okay knowing that i am human, i am clean and i am committed to finding my way through any disagreements that arise, even if they are only with me, myself and i.

∞ DT ∞