Blog entry for:

before going **off** on someone or something is certainly a great strategy and one that i did not have when i came to recovery. to say that was a bit over-reactive when i walked into the rooms would be an understatement. in fact, i was always on a low boil and ready to explode at the slightest provocation. i did not run towards conflict, but was often the cause of it, as chaos was a state in which i seemed to thrive. what had to happen for me, was that i had to lose my sense of being a victim and a martyr. acceptance that i was not born “under a bad sign,” and that the world was not out to “get me,” took time. as that acceptance grew, the pressure i felt to react, diminished and i “got” to learn how to do things a bit differently. this was not an event, but a process that is still ongoing, as it is quite easy fro me to slip back into that set of spurious beliefs and the behaviors that arise out of them. that is what it is and being reminded that i can live in a different manner, just for today, is a good thing.

Bernie C,
CONGRATS on SIX (6) years clean.
Way to go and keep coming back!

i have been doing a boatload of whining lately, about the politics, my job, my peers and the state of world in general. what i noticed this morning, is that is turning up the heat again and i am becoming less tolerant and certainly less tolerable as a result. i find myself being curt with my co-workers, especially those that just do not seem to get it. i find myself being dissatisfied with the content of what my peers are sharing and how they share it. i feel my pulse racing as i drive trying to dodge the “idiots” that seem to fill the highways and byways. all of that i can attributive to my seemingly unchangeable story about who and what i am and my place in the world. as i pounded the pavement this morning for all of those steps, it came to me, that i was CHOOSING to listen to that story and accepting it as reality. while all the sources of my irritation may be real, my reaction to them can be changed by allowing the POWER that fuels my recovery to take my shortcomings, far far away.
perhaps, as i walk through the next four days without having to be at work, i can find a different perspective to allow myself to find the balance i desire, just for today.

∞ DT ∞