Blog entry for:

here in recovery i learn the tools for reclaiming myself. well, this morning i could certainly say i really like this reading, of course, i realize the irony in that statement as it really means nothing at all. what would be more accurate i felt good after reading this entry. since i like feeling good, it is only a small diversion to: “i really liked this reading.” i am, however, prattling on about nothing, or so it would appear. what this all has been, is a warm-up exercise for me, leading me to one of the points the reading was trying to make, in my opinion that is, and yes i have been known to be misinformed in the past.
what i am trying to illustrate there is that is is not how i arrived at the conclusion that i liked the reading, that is really important, just like how i ended-up having low self-esteem is also not important. what is important is to recognize that i am suffering from low self-esteem, and seek to change that from within.
in active addiction, this was a non-issue. yes, the same low self-esteem i had when i entered recovery was present than, i just had all sorts of means to cope with it. in the end i did not suffer because i could numb it away, the ends of not feeling low self-esteem were achieved.
in recovery, all of those mechanisms are being removed by my choice, and the ends of not feeling low self-esteem is being achieved by removing the cause -- my low self-esteem. the program and the fellowship are the means by which a HIGHER POWER provides for that removal step by step.
so what the reading really furnished me was a sense of HOPE. HOPE is one of those feelings that i like, hence i like the reading. the HOPE provided for me this morning, is that no matter how self-esteem, high, low or somewhere in between is treating me, i have the tools at my disposal to allow myself to become more than a victim of my low self-esteem. that is of course, unless i allow it, then all HOPE is lost.
one of those tools i use to build my self-esteem, is to take care of myself, so it is time to go out for my periodic workout, while the morning ois still cool enough to allow me to enjoy it. it is after all a great day to allow myself to be just that much better than yesterday.

∞ DT ∞