Blog entry for:

...we blossom into individuals that others and, most importantly, we ourselves respect.
this morning however i have something a bit more tangential on my mind. as i was leaving the zonal forum meeting yesterday, i felt more than a bit sad. it used to be that i looked on those meetings as a chore and something that needed to be tolerated because it was my responsibility. i am now coming to see, that i have become attached to my fellow members in that particular service body and for me the whole flavor of what wee are doing and how we are accomplishing things is beginning to change. i know part of this is a reflection on the direction this particular group of addicts have begun to move in, but it is also a reflection on where i, as an addict in service to the fellowship that has saved my life, am heading too. no longer is it okay for me to accept things as being the way they are, just because another member with more time clean tells me that is the way it has always been. and no longer is it acceptable for me to merely sit in the sidelines and watch the world go by, wondering whether i am actually a part of some greater good. the truth is, that i am coming to respect myself, my opinions and my experience after the better part of nine years clean. i am coming to accept that others, addicts with whom i serve, people who love me, my sponsees, and addicts with whom i share my recovery with, also respect me. and the biggest shock of all -- i do not have to scream at the top of my lungs anymore, 'look at me! look at how great i am! respect now or else!'
no i have just realized that by being quiet and allowing the process of recovery to take hold via step work, service work and doing my best to live the program, i am becoming the type of person i have always respected and wished i could be, someone that other people can respect, trust and have faith in, and you know, that is all i ever really wanted to be. the steps have provided a path to become more than i ever was, and a person beyond my craziest paranoid hallucinations. and for today i think that is gift enough!

∞ DT ∞