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I DO DESERVE THE LOVE AND CARE OF A HIGHER POWER
i often forget this simple fact. self-worth does not come easy for me. i feel the need to act as if i am "better than" because i often feel "less than."
although i have been at this for some time, there are still times when i tell myself that life on life's terms today is payback for who i was. nothing has changed, i am still the low-life i was when i came around and when i hit a speed bump i once again have the evidence that i deserve nothing because i am not worthwhile.
right now i know this is a lie, and i am a worthy person in my own right without anyone telling me. when i am seeking outside validation, i am looking for someone or something to enable me to once again feel less than.
the loving GOD in my life does not punish or judge me and my behaviors, but that GOD is not Santa Clause either.
if i want to continue to recover i must do the work, if i am broke i need to find a better job or spend less, if i am lonely then i need to get out of my house and participate in life and when i am feeling unloved and unaccepted i need to work on learning to love and respect myself.
the external signs of success just that, external. the true measure of my success on a daily basis is whether i am clean today, did i truly do my best to be present in my life, did i recognize the opportunities that were presented and act on them or did i just sit on my pity pot waiting for the next GOOD thing top happen and whine about it when once again i did not get my WANTS fulfilled.
anyhow just for today i believe i am a worthy person, deserving of the loving care provided by GOD.
-- DT --