Blog entry for:

the POWER that fuels my recovery provides me, BECAUSE today, i have worth. not exactly words that spring to my mind on a daily basis, and a bit touchy-feely for me, as i am not given to repeating affirmations to myself.
after that caveat, one may expect me to launch into a polemic of sorts about how self-esteem comes from doing instead of catchy and trendy self-help methods, in my experience that is true. the REASON, i KNOW i have worth today, is because of the recovery program, i DO my best to live. there have been times when an affirmation or two, got me through a particular tricky day, week, hell even years, although most of that is in the past. as i sit here this morning, getting ready to start the final week of my gig in downtown Denver, i can hear echoes of those days ringing in my head, telling me that i am leaving because i could not hack it. telling me that my decision is the start of another downwards death spiral. telling me all kinds of happy horsesh!t, to use a colloquialism. and that is exactly what it is. i am far from perfect, and the world is not worse off for my continued presence on this side of the dirt, i believe that today and do my best to live that today. the confidence to walk forward into the last week of a very good job, take a week off, and start the whole process of learning the culture of a new and different place, is more than a bit daunting, but i am undaunted! as my little headline indicates i am worth the opportunity to find full-time work, with paid vacation and benefits. i am worth taking the chance and allowing whatever will happen, to do just that HAPPEN. most importantly i am worth taking a risk or two and allowing myself the opportunity to see if i can fly. oh yeah, i am also worth calling my sponse and setting up a time and place to do a FIFTH STEP, something that somehow slipped my mind during my day yesterday. so with a sense of worth and a very full day ahead of me, i will sign-off saying that yes i am worth more than i was, and IF i do the next right thing i will be worth even more tomorrow.

∞ DT ∞