Blog entry for:

i should know from my past experience that my way of doing things did not work. well, this morning has certainly been an interesting one, and i have not even been up for 90 minutes yet. what is my response to this so called “interesting” morning? well, my normal reaction is frustration, which means for me, i become angry and want to either lash out or suppress my feeling in some manner. it would be wonderful if i could say that i did not get angry at things being less than smooth, i did get all pissy and ready to pitch the whole thing in and go back to bed. what i did instead was persevere, taking my time and allowing things to happen as they will. i actually practice a spiritual principle instead of a shortcoming, and while that not all that unusual it is a better way to start my morning than the alternative.
what i heard from the reading this morning, is the standard party line, that the test for self-will is looking at what i need to do to get my desired outcome. i did hear that, but what i also heard is that what i want and what i need are not necessarily one in the same, and how i handle the difference is what is important.
one might be apt to say that self-will is planning a plan and then planning an outcome. this morning that sounds far to simplistic for me, and the worst part is exactly what is a plan if not a course of actions and events that leads to a desired outcome. i mean really, when i went back to college after being away for 20 years, my desired outcome was a bachelor's degree, any degree. so all the action, all my new debt, all of the studying, and everything i had to do, was in furtherance of that goal. i got my degree, BUT i got a whole lot more, i came to see, that what i want is not always in conflict with what i need. i learned to listen to the voice of a HIGHER POWER, even though at that time i was quite oblivious to that voice. most importantly i learned that i can make plans and yes even plan an outcome, but i have to be present along the path. the ends NEVER justify the means, although that lesson was one that i am still learning this morning.
so if my example was not self-will, what exactly was it? well the answer is in STEP 11, it was my “true” will for myself, and the test for that was that goal was achieved without me lying, manipulating, cheating or forcing anything to happen. i just did the footwork and i got what i wanted and apparently what i needed, as that path has led to a career that i love to work at most every day. so where does that leave this morning? well hat i am hearing to to take it slow, bid my guests goodbye and deal with what i need to deal with. it will be a good day, if i allow it to be, which i think i will, at least just for right now.

∞ DT ∞