Blog entry for:

i think only of MYSELF.
yes, i want, i demand and certainly i can manipulate, events to turn out as i desire them to do. on the flip side, i can also make a plan or two, do the work i need to do, and allow the plan to turn out as it will, which more times than exceeds my wildest expectations.
in the end, there really does not appear to be that much difference between those courses of action, however as my sponsor often reminds me, the destination is not the important part, after all, we are all headed to the same end, it is what happens along the way that is important. i like to think of myself as a results focused sort of person, when in truth the only results that i am focused on, are those that are a benefit directly to my life. recovery just happens to be one of those processes. if i had followed my original self-centered plan and forced the results i had wanted way back when i was just starting to walk this path, i have no clue where i would be today. i remember my criminal lawyer, one of my party buddies, asking me if i was really planning on not using for the rest of my life. i told her, nah,. it was just until we had enough time in, that she could file for a reconsideration of my sentence i could walk out free and clear, with her next job to get rid of my felony record. those words, while quite true, never seemed to pass, as once the recovery journey got it claws in me, i held on for dear life, no matter how bumpy the ride. well she is dead from complications from alcohol abuse, and here i sit all these later, writing about her and seeing that although i was more than a reluctant passenger on this recovery journey, i seem to be here to stay, or at least it appears so just for today. i am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of something more and if i have to speak twice more this week than so be it, it has been quite some time, since i last opened my mouth at a local meeting and once those gates break open? who knows! what i do know today is that it is time to shower off, dress up and head on out to the office to figure out how to do the next right thing, just for today!

∞ DT ∞