Some memes

by hope, might be a topic that sounds all sorts of alarm bells for me. not all that long ago, a man who calls me his sponsor asked me what i thought the difference was between hope and wishful thinking. i stammered out some kind of reply, that satisfied his immediate need and filed that topic away for further investigation, later on. i guess that time has arrived with the source material this morning. as i sat, and today was not a good day to sit, i kept falling in and out of the quiet, what i “heard” was that HOPE was seeing what my peers accomplished through their own efforts and FAITH in the program of recovery that has given them this manner of living. if they can succeed, maybe, if i do the necessary footwork, pay attention to my opportunities, i , too, can find the ways and means to earn what they have.
if that is an example of HOPE, than desiring the same sort of rewards and not doing the work, praying that it just drops into my lap, like manna from heaven is wishful thinking. my first and most deadly bout of this sort of magical thinking happened way back when i first got clean. i truly believed that all i had to do is to stay clean and i would be like those of my peers, who i saw had lives, loves, joy and were secure in themselves. i asked “Santa GOD” each and every day to give me that stuff, whether or not i was willing to do anything to earn it. needless to say, all i got was the gift of desperation, so perhaps “Santa GOD” did the trick, because of of that despair, grew the willingness to do more than go to meetings, and front that i was actually working so me kind of program. i actually saw that there was a bit more to this recovery gig than staying clean.
fast forward a few decades and look at my life today and almost all of the stuff i wished for, has become a reality. it did not fall from heaven, i did not get a huge set of lucky breaks, nor did get gifted with stuff that i did not work for. i did the footwork. intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and physically, to get where i am today, and my future still looks like i could accomplish even more, should i choose to do so. today, i am more whole, genuine and self-aware than ever before and i think i will do what i can to live a spiritually fulfilling life, just for today. i live with purpose these days and need not blame fate, bad luck or anyone else for what does not come my way. i can accept that is just the way it happens to be, right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞