Blog entry for:

i am but a part of the world and that whatever personal strength i have is drawn from the POWER that fuels my recovery. okay i really **liked** this reading this morning, as many of my peers are apt to say. honestly that was just a joke, as i neither like or dislike any reading, and have not for some time, when i realized that it was my reaction to the reading and my inability to express that reaction, that led me into the category of like and dislike. that is however a topic for another day. in that vein, the reading today, produced a warm fuzzy feeling and alerted me to the symptoms of me living in self-will and denial. yes, sometimes when the reading is spot on with my feelings, attitudes and behaviors, it does create a sense of ”thank you sir, may i have another.” which makes very little rational or logical sense at all, so how do i explain that statement?
i have been clean for a few days now, and quite honestly staying clean is not as difficult as it was in those early days, or even five years ago. staying clean has become nearly autonomous for me, more like walking. once i learned how to do that, practiced it and became adept at doing it, i really do not think about the mechanics behind walking at all, i just walk. it is true, that when i do not pay attention, or get overtired or injured, i often trip and fall, that is the nature of the task of walking. there are times when i lapse in my program, for one reason or another, and i stumble as well. i do not work a perfect program, nor have i met anyone who does. those little slips, usually are manifest in symptoms such as a quick trip to the store to pick out the latest, greatest and shiniest electronic geegaw, or something with more power. my bout of retail therapy, however does not produce the desired result for very long, and i am left feeling the way i was before i got all excited about my new toy. readings, such as the one this morning, allow me to pinpoint what may be causing my discontent and ennui, and strongly suggest a path for the resolution of those feelings that does not require cash on the barrel-head. what i felt this morning was a bit of certainty that the feelings of frustration i am feeling these days is BECAUSE i am expecting results and not just doing the footwork and allowing those results to shake out as they will. i am expecting the world to spin in a certain manner, people to act a certain way, and when those events are not instantly happening, well then i pitch a spiritual petulant frenzy and whine about how unfair, unjust and hopeless it all is, when in reality it is just a case of unmet expectations once again.
so yes, i **liked** this reading, because it opened my eyes to the fire within me, that is keeping my emotional state state simmering, just below boiling over. the reading pinpointed the behaviors i am exhibiting and gave reasonable explanations as to the cause. when that sort of synergy happens, i can actually feel content and grateful about what i just read, rather than angry and frustrated. unlike some of my peers, i find no need to argue, most of the time, with the premise these daily readings are trying to illustrate. what i am feeling now, is that it is time to wrap this up and head on to my next task of the day, get ready to work. self-will, who needs it! ambition, goals, dreams and plans on the other hand, i certainly do need them, without them my life lacks any drection and i will miss the bottomless pit that is looming before me, and walk right back into active addiction. today, it is a good day to be clean and to have a plan of action, as long as i make the plan and allow the results to be what they will be.

∞ DT ∞