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back to a condition of peace with the world, is certainly a great way to look at letting go of my self-will. i often go through this exercise trying to decide if any plan i make, anything i am thinking of buying any time i am taking off from work or if any meeting i am choosing to skip is acting contrary to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. what ends up happening is i cycle round and round and never ever reach a decision, instead of allowing myself the time to just “feel𔄭 the answer. i seem to have a tendency to way over-think stuff and as a result do nothing instead, missing out on the opportunity that i am currently being presented. what i “heard” this morning, was to let go of trying to puzzle out the secret to the coding exercise i am doing for a job opportunity and allow myself to be present for what needs to happen today at work. great work when i can get it. of course, i want to stop letting go and start researching the implementation, rather than being okay knowing that the solution will not elude me, once i can concentrate on it.
moving into the next thing on my stack. it seems to me, that over the course of the past four days, i have been severely all “pink-cloudy” and “yippy-skippy,” seemingly suppressing my innate cynicism. as i sat this morning, this observation rose to the top of the stack as well. the conclusion that i reached, was that what i felt and wrote about during the weekend with my cousins and partner, was a valid reflection of what i was feeling. the gratitude i felt for a program of recovery was genuine. letting go of my “audition” until today also feels genuine and taking on a new sponsee, feels like the next right thing to do as well. i am sure there are 500 e-mails that will need to be addressed at work, but for the next hour or so, i will put them on the back-burner and when i arrive at the office, i will get on with being present for my employer. for right here and right now, i can breathe and finish off my time off with a bit of grace.
finally, i see that not doing some stuff, is certainly a good plan of action for right now. not pushing to get to work early. not hammering home my cynical viewpoint, to prove how well “balanced” i am not. just being okay in this moment, and yes feeling a bit of gratitude for sleeping in my own very comfortable space last night, is certainly a good way to uncovering a path back to some sort of peace with the world, just for today. in sixty minutes, who can know what will change.

∞ DT ∞