Blog entry for:

for myself or living in self-will, has always been a tough boundary for me to see. today is the first day of the end of my current job. i have given my notice and i am starting to let everyone know that i am leaving, personally and one-on-one. i may have another month of hanging around, but just for today, i feel great about what direction my career path is taking, even though it is going to be a stretch for me, to get up and running. i also know that there are tasks i need to get in motion, before i head out the door and people i have to let know, one-on-one, before the word spreads through the grapevine. that is my responsibility to those i am leaving behind and in my excitement i have to remember that not everyone is on their way out.
which brings me to the horns of a dilemma, i have found myself on. it is tough to be circumspect here and really discuss what is up, but for right now, i will have to nibble around the edges and see what happens. in fact, perhaps looking at it from the opposite end of the spectrum may help. i know that i am a flawed human being, no more and probably no less flawed than the rest of the human race, or my peers in recovery. i also know that in the course of my interactions with others, i have stepped on a few toes, acting out in selfish indifference to the feelings of others. as a result, there are probably many people in this world who do not “like” me, but do not wish me dead. my peers in recovery, no matter how much they “liked” would more than likely cover my back and be there for me, if i needed them to be. as i get to that conclusion, the path forward through my dilemma becomes clear: put on my “big boy” pants, stop being a prick with his hubris hanging out all over the place and be present for those who need me. it really is that simple, and when i stop overthinking everything, i can just do the next right thing.
yes i have stuff to clean-up as i prepare for the next phase of my career. yes i have stuff to clean-up as i start to feel what i need to feel and let go of the missteps and injuries in my past. integrity does not mean hiding out and using an excuse to keep from doing what i know is the correct course of action. dang it all, i really wanted to find a loophole and the only one involves a whole pile load of rationalizations, justifications and spiritual camouflage. just for today, i can be better than that.

∞ DT ∞