Blog entry for:

now i know where i got this idea last year when i was sharing stuff with my new sponsor, I HAD READ IT IN THE JFT BOOK! i doubt that i have many original ideas concerning recovery, and now i know for sure that i am an ordinary, garden variety addict, and that is cool!
so after reading and sitting around meditating after reading this, this morning, i have come to the conclusion that this is how it always was and probably will be! truthfully, before accepting this path i was a crappy partner. i did not take direction, exercised my selfish, self-centered self-will to the detriment of those around me and to society at large, and failed to honor my part of the this partnership contract. the amazing thing is that i was not X'd from this relationship which speaks to infinite patience, even though i did everything to bolster my belief that there was nothing outside of the physical realm, and certainly not a guiding, patient, loving HIGHER POWER. i have walked away from those beliefs and today understand that my part in this relationship is to do my best to honor this partnership and live up to my obligations, which of course change as i do.
what exactly does that look like today? that is revealed on a need to know basis, however i do know that i NEED to stay clean today and am provided with any and all tools required to do so, i also know that i was rescued from the depths of my active addiction for some reason, what that reason is, is irrelevant today as long as i remain open to hearing what my job is today. and you know, as a human and an addict, uncertainty can create FEAR and DOUBT, but again that goes back to my part in the partnership, KEEPING THE FAITH that i will not only be apprised of what i need to do today, i will be given anything and everything i need to accomplish that task. so this amazing journey continues and even though i feel tired, and unneeded today, i know that these feelings like all others will pass, all i have to do is feel them and live the program the best i can today!
&infin DT∞