โซ i will honor my commitment to a partnership โซ
Posted: Sat, Feb 18, 2012 08:59:19 AM
with THE POWER that fuels my recovery, to the best of my ability!
such a wonderful, catch-all phrase, to the best of my ability. after all, that is such a nebulous and imprecise term, that at any given time, i can say that was the best of my ability, even when i am fully self-willing life around me to happen as i DESIRE. before i had a TENTH STEP, that was my favorite fall back, alas, things change, and so do i, and the term to the BEST OF MY ABILITY, has a whole new set of meanings, depending on how spiritually fit i happen to be. i can use it as a whip as well as a pillow and in the long run, it really is me, who determines whether or not i literally do my best is me.
that was not the only thing i HEARD this morning in the minutes of quiet time i got to enjoy. when i was using and even in recovery, two words were certainly not part of my vocabulary: relationship and commitment. so add those two terms to the word GOD and i got more than a tiny foul taste in mouth, in fact when those three words were used in the same sentence i would feel nauseous enough to projectile vomit! on of the benefits of doing my best to live a program of recovery, is that as i grow, so does my understanding of who i am, where the power comes from to keep me clean and where i can go today. i need not wrap that power up in mystery and awe, after all it IS the POWER that fuels my recovery and provides me the opportunity to GET everything i NEED to survive and even thrive today. nothing more, nothing less and for me that is more than enough, or as one may hear a mathematician or logician say: necessary and sufficient.
my part of this relationship? BE AWAKE! i need to be present in my life, so i can take advantage of those opportunities as they come my way and do my best to do the footwork to make them be a successful enterprise. simply difficult in and of itself, but it seems to be the pattern of my life lately. i GET what i NEED when i am awake enough to take it, TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY!
anyhow, i have some work to get done, some cigars to smoke a meeting to get to and who knows what else will come my way across the course of today. it is a great day to be clean and yes, a partner in my recovery and life with the POWER that fuels my recovery.
such a wonderful, catch-all phrase, to the best of my ability. after all, that is such a nebulous and imprecise term, that at any given time, i can say that was the best of my ability, even when i am fully self-willing life around me to happen as i DESIRE. before i had a TENTH STEP, that was my favorite fall back, alas, things change, and so do i, and the term to the BEST OF MY ABILITY, has a whole new set of meanings, depending on how spiritually fit i happen to be. i can use it as a whip as well as a pillow and in the long run, it really is me, who determines whether or not i literally do my best is me.
that was not the only thing i HEARD this morning in the minutes of quiet time i got to enjoy. when i was using and even in recovery, two words were certainly not part of my vocabulary: relationship and commitment. so add those two terms to the word GOD and i got more than a tiny foul taste in mouth, in fact when those three words were used in the same sentence i would feel nauseous enough to projectile vomit! on of the benefits of doing my best to live a program of recovery, is that as i grow, so does my understanding of who i am, where the power comes from to keep me clean and where i can go today. i need not wrap that power up in mystery and awe, after all it IS the POWER that fuels my recovery and provides me the opportunity to GET everything i NEED to survive and even thrive today. nothing more, nothing less and for me that is more than enough, or as one may hear a mathematician or logician say: necessary and sufficient.
my part of this relationship? BE AWAKE! i need to be present in my life, so i can take advantage of those opportunities as they come my way and do my best to do the footwork to make them be a successful enterprise. simply difficult in and of itself, but it seems to be the pattern of my life lately. i GET what i NEED when i am awake enough to take it, TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY!
anyhow, i have some work to get done, some cigars to smoke a meeting to get to and who knows what else will come my way across the course of today. it is a great day to be clean and yes, a partner in my recovery and life with the POWER that fuels my recovery.
∞ DT ∞