โ i AGREE to do the best i can โ
Posted: Mon, Feb 18, 2013 08:30:55 AM
not to fake it, not to pretend to be superhuman, but simply to do the footwork of recovery. well. this is an interesting to start to today. a day off from my day job, just when i need an extra day to the weekend. the project from hell, getting less hellish, by getting closer to completion and one of my favorite tools stopped working on my computer this morning. top that off with me being a total sh!t last night, to, during and from my service commitment, and one has a wonderfully mixed-up batch of feelings to look at.
as the oldie moldy goes, where do i begin…
well, popping the first thing off the stack, my behavior last night was not nearly as heinous as it could have been, but perhaps it is time for me to leave that service commitment and move on, i will let go of considering that and see what comes to me.
the frustration i felt at having a program i use on a daily basis not work? well, it has been fixed, and although it lacks one of the tools within it now, it runs and i am grateful.
the job from hell? well another long hard day of work today, and i will be able to see the end coming. i have almost left the world of the the worst designed user interface i have ever had the privilege to work on. i will build it out to the specifications of the amateur, who believes they know what they are doing and move on. and when and if the client comes back to me, well in that possibility it will be more money, and no creative control ceded to someone who just has no clue, but that day has not come and i can let go of that as well.
my day off having to be used for that job? well even that is tolerable, i can make myself and the client happy, and prepare to walk, nay run, away, far, far away.
so finally that brings me to the reading, doing my best to honor the partnership i have with the POWER that fuels my recovery. i really found a great identification with the part about not faking anything. there have been times in my recovery, where faking it was a suggestion made by well-intentioned people. for others, that sort of stuff may work. for me, i have come to see, that when i fake it, i begin to believe that i need not do the work to actually get it. faking it was what i was all about when i came into the rooms, and today, among the attributes of the person i want to be, is the ability to be genuine. faking it, therefore is not an option, regardless of how that may make me look, and trust i am all about how i look. so as today goes on, i will find a minute or two to step away from work, take care of myself and allow myself to be the man i have always wanted to be. life is good and i can partner with the POWER that fuels my recovery, to make it even better.
as the oldie moldy goes, where do i begin…
well, popping the first thing off the stack, my behavior last night was not nearly as heinous as it could have been, but perhaps it is time for me to leave that service commitment and move on, i will let go of considering that and see what comes to me.
the frustration i felt at having a program i use on a daily basis not work? well, it has been fixed, and although it lacks one of the tools within it now, it runs and i am grateful.
the job from hell? well another long hard day of work today, and i will be able to see the end coming. i have almost left the world of the the worst designed user interface i have ever had the privilege to work on. i will build it out to the specifications of the amateur, who believes they know what they are doing and move on. and when and if the client comes back to me, well in that possibility it will be more money, and no creative control ceded to someone who just has no clue, but that day has not come and i can let go of that as well.
my day off having to be used for that job? well even that is tolerable, i can make myself and the client happy, and prepare to walk, nay run, away, far, far away.
so finally that brings me to the reading, doing my best to honor the partnership i have with the POWER that fuels my recovery. i really found a great identification with the part about not faking anything. there have been times in my recovery, where faking it was a suggestion made by well-intentioned people. for others, that sort of stuff may work. for me, i have come to see, that when i fake it, i begin to believe that i need not do the work to actually get it. faking it was what i was all about when i came into the rooms, and today, among the attributes of the person i want to be, is the ability to be genuine. faking it, therefore is not an option, regardless of how that may make me look, and trust i am all about how i look. so as today goes on, i will find a minute or two to step away from work, take care of myself and allow myself to be the man i have always wanted to be. life is good and i can partner with the POWER that fuels my recovery, to make it even better.
∞ DT ∞