ยต my task today? not to fake it or pretend to be superhuman, ยต
Posted: Tue, Feb 18, 2014 07:48:02 AM
just to simply do the footwork of recovery.
i know i have written about the this partnership in the past, and my place in it. more than likely i have also written about what it means to do my best. seriously after a bit of time doing this on nearly a daily basis, there does not seem to be a whole lot of new ground to cover. so what is someone in my situation supposed to do? walk away from something that i like doing and gives me a freedom i cannot find anywhere else, or risk the chance that i am beginning to sound as if my recovery is of the bumper sticker type, filled with clichés and jargon, or EVEN worse a broken record covering the same ground, time and again, until it is just beat into the ground.
well i risk the last of those options today, as i talk about what it means to do the footwork of recovery. there was a time, when i aspired to be the go to PERSON, when it came to all things spiritual in the program. being one of those with the longest amount of clean-time, that role just followed, after all, i had been doing this gig for years on end, so i should know a thing or two. when i hear younger members, as in clean-time, share about what “we” do and what “you” NEED to do, i cringe, for more than a few reasons. the only one i will enumerate here today, is that kind of sharing, so reminds me of what i was once like. certain that I had all the answers, and if YOU would only sit down, shit-up and listen, my wisdom would be imparted upon you, with a divine chorus to accompany my message, all the a while an ethereal light would illuminated me. yes, that is who i once was, and quite honestly could become again, and i would be much better at it now, than i ever was in the past, because now i actually have a bit of Experience, Strength and Hope to share.
instead of getting on my soapbox in a meeting, i have this little niche on the interwebz to call my home, but even so, the longer i stay clean, the less important to me is the notion, that i need to tell anyone what i think they NEED to do. in fact, more and more, i like just sitting and listening and like, trying to get something out of someone telling me what we and i need to do. there i am, in all my pagan glory, proclaiming my devotion to my new found god, all over again.
today, when i am fVcked-up, i say that i am. today, when i am hurting, i do not try and hide it under bluster and bravado. today i do not pretend to be anything more, than just another addict in recovery and most of the time, that means i get to sit and listen, as others share what they may think is important for me to hear. today, well, today it is time to take a shower, hop into my car and head on over to Boulder, because i am not entitled to anything i do not earn, and trust me when i say, I EARNED MY SEAT IN RECOVERY!
i know i have written about the this partnership in the past, and my place in it. more than likely i have also written about what it means to do my best. seriously after a bit of time doing this on nearly a daily basis, there does not seem to be a whole lot of new ground to cover. so what is someone in my situation supposed to do? walk away from something that i like doing and gives me a freedom i cannot find anywhere else, or risk the chance that i am beginning to sound as if my recovery is of the bumper sticker type, filled with clichés and jargon, or EVEN worse a broken record covering the same ground, time and again, until it is just beat into the ground.
well i risk the last of those options today, as i talk about what it means to do the footwork of recovery. there was a time, when i aspired to be the go to PERSON, when it came to all things spiritual in the program. being one of those with the longest amount of clean-time, that role just followed, after all, i had been doing this gig for years on end, so i should know a thing or two. when i hear younger members, as in clean-time, share about what “we” do and what “you” NEED to do, i cringe, for more than a few reasons. the only one i will enumerate here today, is that kind of sharing, so reminds me of what i was once like. certain that I had all the answers, and if YOU would only sit down, shit-up and listen, my wisdom would be imparted upon you, with a divine chorus to accompany my message, all the a while an ethereal light would illuminated me. yes, that is who i once was, and quite honestly could become again, and i would be much better at it now, than i ever was in the past, because now i actually have a bit of Experience, Strength and Hope to share.
instead of getting on my soapbox in a meeting, i have this little niche on the interwebz to call my home, but even so, the longer i stay clean, the less important to me is the notion, that i need to tell anyone what i think they NEED to do. in fact, more and more, i like just sitting and listening and like, trying to get something out of someone telling me what we and i need to do. there i am, in all my pagan glory, proclaiming my devotion to my new found god, all over again.
today, when i am fVcked-up, i say that i am. today, when i am hurting, i do not try and hide it under bluster and bravado. today i do not pretend to be anything more, than just another addict in recovery and most of the time, that means i get to sit and listen, as others share what they may think is important for me to hear. today, well, today it is time to take a shower, hop into my car and head on over to Boulder, because i am not entitled to anything i do not earn, and trust me when i say, I EARNED MY SEAT IN RECOVERY!
∞ DT ∞