ฮฑ knowing that i lack the power to stay clean and find recovery on my own ฮฉ
Posted: Sun, Feb 18, 2007 08:03:59 AM
i enter into a partnership with a POWER greater than me.
truthfully i have entered many partnerships with powers greater than me, my addiction for example. it gave me the tools i needed to feed the need to alter my mental and emotional state. the ability to lie, steal, use people, rationalize and justify my actions to myself and in return i kept it partially satisfied with a chemical romance. i worked to the best of my ability to feed the part of me i call my disease and in return it protected me from the harsh reality of the world in which i live.
so coming to recovery, this whole partnership with a POWER greater than me should have been a slam-dunk, piece of cake. after all, i was asking for protection and i was almost willing to do what it takes. well what should have been and what was, diverged very quickly as the garbage i had in my head about the nature of all things beyond my ken, was used by the part of me i call my disease to drive a wedge between me and the very POWER that would save my life and start me on the path to this wonderful new manner of living.
i was afraid of giving into what i saw was ignorance and superstition, however once i finally made the admission that i was powerless over the disease of addiction, and accepted that on my own i could not and would not stay clean, the first of many miracles occurred in my recovery. i actually became willing to do whatever it took to just not use today, and that POWER gave me the strength to do this whole thing without using a substance to alter my perception of the world.
i understand that i am the junior partner in this relationship, and that i am dependent on that POWER to keep my disease in remission but you know what, a day without the obsession to use is a gift that i can never stop being grateful for, and today is such a day. so off to put a bit of sweat equity into my new home and see what the day has in store for me, secure in the knowledge that my partnership with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN can provide the tools i need to handle life on its own terms, that is if i let IT!
truthfully i have entered many partnerships with powers greater than me, my addiction for example. it gave me the tools i needed to feed the need to alter my mental and emotional state. the ability to lie, steal, use people, rationalize and justify my actions to myself and in return i kept it partially satisfied with a chemical romance. i worked to the best of my ability to feed the part of me i call my disease and in return it protected me from the harsh reality of the world in which i live.
so coming to recovery, this whole partnership with a POWER greater than me should have been a slam-dunk, piece of cake. after all, i was asking for protection and i was almost willing to do what it takes. well what should have been and what was, diverged very quickly as the garbage i had in my head about the nature of all things beyond my ken, was used by the part of me i call my disease to drive a wedge between me and the very POWER that would save my life and start me on the path to this wonderful new manner of living.
i was afraid of giving into what i saw was ignorance and superstition, however once i finally made the admission that i was powerless over the disease of addiction, and accepted that on my own i could not and would not stay clean, the first of many miracles occurred in my recovery. i actually became willing to do whatever it took to just not use today, and that POWER gave me the strength to do this whole thing without using a substance to alter my perception of the world.
i understand that i am the junior partner in this relationship, and that i am dependent on that POWER to keep my disease in remission but you know what, a day without the obsession to use is a gift that i can never stop being grateful for, and today is such a day. so off to put a bit of sweat equity into my new home and see what the day has in store for me, secure in the knowledge that my partnership with the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN can provide the tools i need to handle life on its own terms, that is if i let IT!
∞ DT ∞