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my life looks overwhelming when i lose the focus of today.
an excellent reminder and one that i certainly gets sent out to those who are in the greatest need of it. i do include myself in that group and this morning i am doing my best to focus ion what i NEED to get done, before i knock off for the day. yes i know it is only 6:00 AM and the day is yet to arrive, so the reading with it's focus on staying in the here and now, is especially apt for me.
on another note, i have just come to realize how much i enjoy hearing the “pink cloud” addicts share in meetings. i have had the honor of hearing those shares twice over the past two days, and yesterday is struck me, how pleasant it was to hear for a change, especially since i have been hearing the doom and gloom of “i am never going to…” refrain all around me lately. what i feel like saying these days is shut the fVck up, work your step and stop being such a whiny baby. the only difference, is that it is not me who is being the whiny baby these days, and although i am not on a pink cloud either, i am quite content to be where i am, smack dab in the middle.
that is not to say that the future looks so bright i have to wear shades, but i am beginning to walk with FAITH that i will get what i NEED, if only i finally surrender and let go of what i think i want. as simple as that sounds, in practice this action feels to hard to actually accomplish. the refrain i keep hearing in my head, is “what if i DO NOT LIKE GOD's will for me and it does not match what i want for myself.”
there you have it, it is easier to worry about what may or may not be coming down the pike, than to surrender and live in the her and now, focusing on seeing, identifying and doing the next right thing. after all, if i am, trying to predict the future, the last thing i need to do is look at me, and actually deal with what is going on in my life today.
where does that leave as i prepare to shower and head on out? well remembering that although there is a probability that all the molecules of air will clump in a corner, leaving me to suffocate as i sit at my desk, the likelihood of that event occurring is practically nil. focusing on the uncertain future, and what-iffing myself to death is no different than worrying about the air in the room suddenly beating the odds. i have a HIGHER POWER and i have recovery, it is up to me, to allow both of those facts guide my actions and expect that i will get exactly what i need, WHEN I NEED IT!

∞ DT ∞