Blog entry for:

as these topics go, this may seem one of those that is a no-brainer. i mean seriously, if i heard anything in those first few meetings that i attended, long before i got clean, it was this concept. not that i listened to what was meant by “just for today,” but i certainly took it to heart and was using, whenever i could get away with it, just for today.
today? well today, after a few days clean and after a few rounds of steps, i see it this concept in an entirely different light.
what it is NOT saying, is nearly as important as what it does. the concept “just for today,” does not mean getting rid of my past by writing about and dumping into the bit bucket in my brain, nor ignoring my dreams, goals and plans for my future. i can easily turn things around to suit my purposes, all it takes is a bit of a twist on a concept and <BOOM> there i am. the reading states that i need not dwell in my past, i am however a product of my past, regardless of what anyone else says. who i am today, my values, my ideals and yes even my habits and behaviors, were shaped by that past. to deny that i have a past, or choose to forget it, adhering strictly to the concept of here and now, is to deny who i am. more importantly, i lose the lessons of my past, and am quite apt, to repeat those lessons, i have already been painfully taught. the gift of “just for today” and recovery, means my past has been put into proper perspective and is no longer a tsunami, towering over me, waiting to crash into me with an unbearable burden. i can easily live in the her and now, remembering who i was and what i was like, but not being consumed by it. balance in all things, is what i strive for, and balancing the lessons of my past, with my experience in the now, is part of my recovery journey.
the flip side of that equation is similar, but in a different vein. when i was using, the only thing i worried about was, whether or not i was going to be able to obtain what i needed tomorrow. i had no savings, no career plans, no goals, no path to better myself, it truly was living in the moment and let the future take care of itself. living in the here and now, i still make a plan or two, i just have learned not to plan an outcomes. i still create “Plan B's,” make career plans, set goals and take steps to realize my dreams. i do not dwell in the future, but i take action to ensure a better future for myself, by accepting who i am, and what i need to do, to have a tomorrow. namely admit i am powerless over addiction, ask for the power to stay clean from the POWER that fuels my recovery, and do what is put in front of me. which right here and gright now, is to shimmy my white a$$ down the road to Boulder, for another day of work. it is a good day to be clean, right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞