Blog entry for:

may be gone and tomorrow has yet to arrive, BUT living just for today, at least in my mind, does not mean to ignore either the past nor the future. i am a firm believer in the whole just for today concept and certainly do my best to live in the here and now. i also know that i have a responsibility to earn a living and provide for my spouse and i, to live comfortably. that means i plan for tomorrow and do my best to make those plans reality, leaving the final results up to whatever powers that may be. my past has left indelible marks on my spirit and my psyche and to ignore that fact, at least for me, means to deny that i am a product of all that has come before. living just for today, at least for this addict, means finding a balance between what happened, what is happening and what will happen and navigating that space as successfully as possible.
yesterday i wrote about my unease about someone now being interested in my life after being mostly ethereal in the past. after sleeping on it and one more deep dive into the quiet, my unease has been diminished and i have decided to just let and go and see what happens. their part in my past and in crafting who i am at this point in my life, are undeniable facts and cannot be changed through any sort of word magic sophistry. my responsibility in this instance is to accept and use what has come before as a springboard to become someone i no longer am. my days of hiding behind the smoke and mirrors i devised are over, even when i have a strong DESIRE to run away and return to that shell of lies. i am not the one who is dependent on others to care for me, nor am i ready to call it a day and retreat to watching the world pass me by. i choose to live my life, by doing rather than vicariously through social media. how others may choose to live, is not something i need to judge, except in the sense of do i want that to be my day-to-day existence. living just fore today, means to me that i get to CHOOSE how i live, where i go and how i manage my responsibilities in real time. for me that is the greatest gift recovery has offered, after freedom from active addiction.
speaking of choices, of which i have many today, i think i will close this out and hit the streets. forty pounds and four inches has certainly not made me less of a man, but maintaining this new fitter version of myself, requires daily work. maintaining this healthier version of myself, also means that just for today, i will pay attention to what is offered to me and take advantage of any opportunities that come my way, to better myself and my life.

∞ DT ∞