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i can live free from addiction and look forward with FAITH and HOPE into the rest of this twenty-four. i got an excellent lesson in panic mode yesterday when i heard the confidence of the snake oil salesman suddenly shift into victimization. since the company who talked me into more money than i ever wanted to, refuses to own that maybe, just maybe they made a mistake starting right off the bat, it is time to start the process of making them face the consequences for how the screwed me over. i certainly love it, when i warn someone that unless something happens, one will suffer the consequences, and all of a sudden i am the “villain” who is threatening them. life happens and yes i will need to make some adjustments to mine, to get through this period of time, but this morning i certainly can and will start the process that will allow me to warn others of what kind of people they are dealing with and to decide wisely, verify every step of the way and walk away when it smells fishy.
moving beyond the feelings of “getting even” and out of what was called allowing “negativity” into my life, i am still surprisingly calm and more than a bit serene. where i fail this morning is allowing the plans of my next steps to consume my periods of quiet, at both ends of my day. yesterday at work, i had to do something that i really hate doing, namely “cowboy coding” in a live production instance of our application. once again, that was the result of someone else, not taking responsibility for their stuff and blame-shifting it on to us. i know my boss was tired at the end and dreading the prospect of a call this weekend, such as the one the other night. they broke something and it is up to us to fix it. the early morning call was their version of spreading the pain around and i do see all sorts of parallels in my life. am i truly trying to protect others from walking down the same path and getting ripped off, or am i as i said yesterday, “making them feel my pain?” what i was hoping was that their reputation was worth more than to them, than the money that went down their drains. what i got was bluster, bravado, insults, lies, blame-shifting and bullying. it is certainly strange to be on two sides of the same issue, and yet i observe the same behavior. i went into a “black box” that i was certainly clueless about and got severely scorched by those who knew the rules and are using them to their advantage. i am now certainly smarter and wiser about my finances and my lessons in frugality that are beginning today, is not a bad thing. i won my mistakes today and although it is sometimes more convenient and easier to shift the blame, the fact of the matter is, that DESIRE filled my life and i did nothing to combat it. if i want more form life i am willing to let go of my will and more importantly my DESIRE and live in the here and now. i can be better and still extract my pound of flesh, just for today.

∞ DT ∞