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willing to stay in the here and now? based on my inability to get quiet this morning, it might seem the answer to that very rhetorical question would be a resounding NO. if i choose to focus on that event, rather than actually peek at what i am feeling overall, i cannot be present. it is a fact that what was keeping me from being cool, calm and collected in the void was what i have to do over the next four days, and how am i going to manage the feelings that may arise as i interact with my family and a family of total strangers who will become part of my family. so am i glad i allowed my anxiety about tonight, and tomorrow to interfere with my ELEVENTH STEP this morning? HELL NO! what i did glean from that exercise was a sense of well-being, knowing that i have a program that will allow me to be okay, if i allow myself to see what is happening around and exercise the opportunities they are revealed to me.
moving into the right now, leaving the painful past and uncertain future to their own devices, what i feel right here and right now is a sense of accomplishment. i got the very first part of my project out to my boss before i stopped working yesterday and did a HUGE favor for one of my co-workers on the way out. i cannot call it a good deed,, because now i have written about it, and that violates my “good deed” protocol, by mentioning what i did. nevertheless, it does make up for my disappointment at missing out on the work events of the next two days, but so it goes, family before career is certainly a standard i wish to apply these days.
coming back to the right now, i need to get some miles under my belt. i need to see if i can run a bit further than yesterday. i need to pack my bag and make sure i have all that i need for my brief vacation and family event. all of that aside, what i really need is a minute to stop, breathe and let go of what i think i may need and what i actually “need.” finding the balance between what is, what may be and what was, is certainly a good task for me today, as i am done working for the week. for the next hour or so, i will be pounding the pavement of my neighborhood, letting go of all the stress and angst that i have manufactured and allowing myself to become wholly absorbed by keeping my pulse rate up and my split times, down. after that, the day will certainly take care of itself and i can be grateful that i have a release at my “fingertips,” as it were, JUST FOR TODAY! 🤗

∞ DT ∞