Blog entry for:

well i started down one path, using a few of the very worn out and tired bon mots from another fellowship to illustrate a point about how some phrases are just overused and abused. well i need not reach to that place top get to the point. “just for today,” has been used over and over again, by me, to justify all sorts of irrational and less than stellar behaviors, as i am sure it has for many other of my peers.
in its pure form, what i hear when i say just for today, is the promise of freedom from the bondage of my past and from the more than a little uncertain future. that is exactly what the reading said, so i guess i can move along to work and let the rest of my thoughts go…
well, maybe not,
what does that mean? the interesting bit here, is that i have a sponsee, who has decided for whatever reason to remain locked in his past. he is in between two steps and seems to have grown quite comfortable there, which surprises me a bit. there is nothing i can or will do to kick him out of that squat, so i wait and allow whatever to happen. for me, what i am getting is the message that i need to “feel” my way to the place where i can just let it all go. my past is my past, and as i was driving into work yesterday, i remembered one night in the wilds of Yampa River in Northwestern Colorado, where i was the instigator and participant in a “bachelorette party” for one of the members of that crew. let me just say, that i was in a way altered state, as was par for my course at that time, and the “dance” we performed was more than NC-17. yes, in that moment, i may not have possessed a male stripper body, but for me, that night, there was no shame, no anxiety and absolutely no fear of displaying myself under the glare of flashlights in all my nakidity! i smile when i think of those ten minutes, where i actually got some dollar bills tucked into my bandannas and truly enjoyed doing something, without worrying about how skillful i was or was not.
i mention that, because, the whole notion of Just for Today, may allow me the same d\\sort of freedom i felt that night, without the use of substances. the freedom i felt that night, is what i want to feel everyday, and more and more, when i actually pause and think about it, i feel it.
it is true, i will probably never be a featured performer at another bachlorette party. it is true i probably will never dance around with just two bandannas on, but the idea that in that moment i was perfect, is one that i want to hold on to.
with that thought in mind, i will head on over to my next task, which is getting some work done for my employer, after all, they too require m\\y presence, just for today.

∞ DT ∞