Blog entry for:

for only that POWER will never let me down.
so as i read this snippet this morning, after doing a bit of work and moving temporally from my quiet time, the black and white cynic, within, did a double take, and decided what this said is that no human is trustworthy, so why bother. trust ONLY the POWER that fuels my recovery and everything will be okay. that really is not that much of a jump from what the reading was speaking about, and if i chose to go there, i would certainly be disappointed by where it would lead me. that world would be as lonely and isolated as the world of active addiction, even though i would be living on pure FAITH.
as i have come to realize, that part of me, the black and white cynic, often takes what it wants out of context to bolster whatever argument it has to win. this slippery slope? well if i can ONLY trust that POWER, and no human, then the fellowship is not where i belong. if the fellowship is not where i belong, than why am i going to meetings and sponsoring people. if i am not going to meetings, why bother working the steps, after all i am human and therefore cannot be trusted. life with only my HIGHER POWER seems to be the only answer, so perhaps it is the will of that POWER, that using becomes part of my routine, and perhaps after all i am not an addict at all. i will wait for the answer to that question…
thinking that all the way out to the end, i see how insidious the part of me i call addiction can really be. it takes twenty-five words or so and explodes them into a relapse ready to waiting to happen. be that as it may, what i actually heard is that humans as a class are just that human. basically they can be trusted and relied upon, especially those whom i have established strong and equal relationships. they will stumble and fall, as we all do, and my trust may be betrayed, but in the long run, i have FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery, put them in my life for a reason, and i NEED to look for the rule, rather than the minor exceptions. i also will need to reevaluate those relationships if the exceptions start becoming the rule, as that is also a gift from the POWER that fuels my recovery, the ability to be present for what is going on, in the here and now.
so it is off to town to enjoy a cigar or three, get some work done and maybe just get everything off my desk done as i enjoy a day off from my full-time gig. it is a good day to be clean and one that i plan on enjoying to the max.

Mike C
NINE YEARS CLEAN,
AWESOME MY FRIEND

∞ DT ∞