Blog entry for:

first off happy third anniversary of your clean date Mike C!
looking at my history i have to write a blog on december 25th although i am sorely tempted to just to prove myself wrong and alter reality just a bit....
  in fact ....
    be right back...
okay now that i have changed the apparent past -- something i threatened to do earlier this week i can get back on track here.
so what was i thinking about? lots of things, part if me is sad today as i watch some friends spin down into the disease and are happy about it. exhausted because of the number of social obligations i had to be a part of over the past couple of days. excited and joyous to see another friend reach another mile stone along his path of recovery and i gat to be a part of that celebration. and mostly grateful that i get to have all these feelings, be a part of so much of the world and i get another day clean.
so what does all of this seemingly random musing about feelings and changing the past and well wishes really have to do with where i place my trust?? an interesting question that i could probably answer with a bumper sticker slogan -- i am right where i am supposed to be -- :))
well there was a time when i trusted no one, nothing and especially myself. living that way, left me a very small place for me to exist in. when i finally got set firmly on the path of recovery, i of course placed all my trust in my sponsor. the higher power that i had at that time, the justice system was not a place to put my trust -- after all that system existed solely to protect society in general from criminals like me. the few of us that do get rehabilitated are the exceptions and not what the system is designed to produce, but that is a topic of yet another day and time. anyhow there i was lacking any sort of HIGHER POWER and needing to trust unconditionally in someone or something and my first sponsor was where my trust ended-up. well that patient man guided me towards my own concept of a HIGHER POWER and taught mew that i could place my trust in other human beings as long as i had developed a concept of a POWER GREATER THAN ME THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS. ever since i started that development process and learned how to place my trust in that capable concept, i have never been unsupported. yes there has been a time or two when i felt abandoned but that was me being resentful over outcomes contrary to my wishes. yes there has been a time or two when i was pissed-off at my HIGHER POWER and turned my back, but once again that was due to my human nature not understanding that there is more happening here than i can possibly imagine.
so after this inordinately long seemingly random blog the only conclusion i can come to is that if i continue to learn how to place my trust unconditionally in my HIGHER POWER, everything will work out the way it is supposed to and i will become the person i have always wanted to be.
∞ DT ∞