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they fall short of perfection. they may be on vacation, sleeping, or in a bad mood when i need them. so is the solution to this particular problem a return to self-reliance, after all, IF i can not depends on another human being, exactly what can i depend on, top be there when i need something? the fact is and remains to be,m i CAN depend on the POWER that fuels my recovery, to provide for my needs. sure it is awful tough to say, HP i need to borrow a hundred bucks until pay day and expect to see a Benjamin appear in my wallet, but chances are, that if i really NEED a hundred bucks, the means fore me to earn or borrow it will be revealed to me.
seriously though, the people who i have come to rely on, and yes even depend on, in one manner or another, are those people that have come to depend upon me as well. this mutual dependence and support network provided me the means to stay clean and allows me the creative freedom to recover.
speaking of which:

MIKE C,
a decade *3652 days* clean
Thank you for being here to help me stay clean!

yes, it is the men and women, with whom i share my life and my recovery with, that i have grown to depend upon. the POWER that fuels my recovery, give me what i need through this network of flesh, it is up to me to recognize that gift and accept it. i would like to say,m that oi am always present when the gift is offered. oi would also like to say a whole lot of thing. the fact of the matter is, i am more present and capable of accepting the gift off what i need, than i have ever been in my past, but i too, SIGH, am far from perfect in this respect as well as many others. what i am getting better at, is knowing that humans cannot be a higher power for me, not now, not ever. nor can my dawg, my car, my job or even my clean time. all of those are fraught with imperfections and to rely solely on any one of them, is a road fraught with peril. coming to depend on all of those and so much more, is by my definition, coming to depend on the POWER that fuels my recovery, and if a Benjamin happens to land on my desk today, i will certainly let all of you know, that is after i pick myself off the floor, as i will certainly keel over in a dead swoon off shock!
it is a great day tio be clean and time to hit the slick and snowy road for Boulder, after all i certainly do want to keep those Benjamins coming, the only way i know how, working for a living.

∞ DT ∞