ฮฑ no human force can restore my sanity, care for my will and my life, ฮฉ
Posted: Tue, Dec 26, 2006 07:44:33 AM
or be unconditionally available and loving whenever i am in need.
fortunately that includes my own force or as it may succinctly put, my own will. before i launch into writing today, i just need to say that the holidays, especially christmas is one of those days when i seem depend on human forces to satisfy me. i must say right here and right now, that depending on others to fill my need for certain material things is a mistake i have made over and over again throughout my life, this year was the exception, i was grateful for the whirlwind of activity that i participated in over the couple of days. i got exactly what i needed and many things i did not even know i needed. i got love, companionship, acceptance, and the joy of giving something without expectation of anything in return. in fact i was so caught up in the activities of the past forty-eight hours, i neglected to write on any topic yesterday, so it goes. since the topic was anonymity, i guess not commenting was appropriate. BIG GRIN!
so toady, thinking about dependence on a POWER GREATER THAN ME, i wander down the path of what has been going on inside my head over the past month. although my sponsor strongly suggested that i NEED to find a way to make my recovery new again, that is probably not going to come from my head. that impetus probably and most likely will come from the unconditional loving guidance of the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN. my job today, is to find a manner of listening for and implementing that guidance. i have no doubt that i am an addict, and i am once again coming to accept that the only choice that is palatable to me is to continue to do this recovery gig, regardless of how distasteful it feels to me right now. for me, i need to accept that the manner of living i have been given is actually the easier, softer way, and all i have to do is stop trying to force the results i desire, and accept the results that are occurring in my life. moving from the human force of self-will into the divine force of GOD’s will is a bit difficult for me today, but i am willing to let go and see what happens. after all the evidence of my sole dependence of human will shows that it has always been a disaster. off to the showers and see what faces me this day!
fortunately that includes my own force or as it may succinctly put, my own will. before i launch into writing today, i just need to say that the holidays, especially christmas is one of those days when i seem depend on human forces to satisfy me. i must say right here and right now, that depending on others to fill my need for certain material things is a mistake i have made over and over again throughout my life, this year was the exception, i was grateful for the whirlwind of activity that i participated in over the couple of days. i got exactly what i needed and many things i did not even know i needed. i got love, companionship, acceptance, and the joy of giving something without expectation of anything in return. in fact i was so caught up in the activities of the past forty-eight hours, i neglected to write on any topic yesterday, so it goes. since the topic was anonymity, i guess not commenting was appropriate. BIG GRIN!
so toady, thinking about dependence on a POWER GREATER THAN ME, i wander down the path of what has been going on inside my head over the past month. although my sponsor strongly suggested that i NEED to find a way to make my recovery new again, that is probably not going to come from my head. that impetus probably and most likely will come from the unconditional loving guidance of the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN. my job today, is to find a manner of listening for and implementing that guidance. i have no doubt that i am an addict, and i am once again coming to accept that the only choice that is palatable to me is to continue to do this recovery gig, regardless of how distasteful it feels to me right now. for me, i need to accept that the manner of living i have been given is actually the easier, softer way, and all i have to do is stop trying to force the results i desire, and accept the results that are occurring in my life. moving from the human force of self-will into the divine force of GOD’s will is a bit difficult for me today, but i am willing to let go and see what happens. after all the evidence of my sole dependence of human will shows that it has always been a disaster. off to the showers and see what faces me this day!
∞ DT ∞