Some memes

opportunity to ease the pain of living through spiritual principles. last night i finally asked the question that i have had the desire to ask one of the men that calls me their sponsor for a minute or so: “how close are you to saying FUCK IT🙻” he has been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and has not been attending to his recovery program wit the same diligence he has been, due to life on its own terms for him. no matter how hard i push, he does not seem to find the time to sit down and dump or even give me a call. i know i have done my part and am afraid that he is on the verge of burning down his life and he admitted that last night in response to that burning question. i am powerless over whether or not he sits down and talks or even gets away from everything for a few hours. i have done my part and anything else is up to him.
what did i hear this morning, when i finally let go of my sponsee and turned my focus towards me? not a whole lot, the new employee either will or will not work out, she has a high bar to climb in my opinion and it is not for lack of effort on my part. her apparent lack of willingness to learn anything may be on me, perhaps i did not approach my part correctly so a benefit of the doubt, is what is called for on my part. what came bubbling up from the depths this morning was a whole lot of nothing sandwich. that is not a bad thing, as some of the time, there really is nothing to be brought to the surface. i get that easing the pain of living through an active program of recovery is not a bad manner in which to live.
there really are no biggies in my life today. yes i have a bit of step work that i have been stalling out on and yes i have not started my taxes. i have finished the skeleton of my creative work and perhaps today i will work on the next phase, making it more of a novel and less of a vanity project, even though that is all it is, for real. i never intend to publish and sending it off to a friend to read, was never part of the plan. i really have no pain of living today and it was odd that i went that direction this morning when i rejected both of the daily topics in the fellowship approved literature. the fact that pain has been reduced is a testament not to me, but the transformative nature of this recovery program. he day, however is young and i have a meeting with my financial advisor this morning where i am sure we will see the hit my investments took with the ill-advised war that was started to distract, deflect and diminish the interest in a brewing scandal. as i peruse the fallout, i can be glad that just for today, i do not need to go running for the hills,.

∞ DT ∞