Blog entry for:

derive much of their meaning from being shared with others, which i can onlly do IF i have relationships that include others in my life.
honestly, i am at a loss for words this morning. my fancy new wireless keyboard is acting up, moving my old settings into the new set-up on my laptop is taking forever, and the dawg is going nutz. even with all of that going on, i guess i have found my muse, as the evidence directly before your eyes, is that i am hardly at a loss for words.
i know that the reading was about making a list and checking it twice, BUT i am not on that step right now. in fact, i am finally in between STEPS 4 and 5. having completed the writing, but not yet made my appointment to share all that wonderful stuff with my sponse, so being where i am, i think i will defer writing about any EIGHTH STEP stuff this morning.
i am more than a bit annoyed about teh self-entitled hostage-takers, that i have been running across lately. they really do not GET that this is not all about them, that maybe the rest of us have lives as well. spouting off a chin of bumper stickers when the meeting is about to end, is taking everyone hostage, a burning desire is just that -- something that NEEDS to be shared, not just a blah-blah-blah slogan filled piece of pablum. i really want to scream about something else, but descretion is the better part fo valor somedays, i can say this, if someone hurts my teeny-tiny feelings, i will ask them for redress, directly and decide in my heart of hearts if i can forgive them and move on, NUFF SAID!
i guess i have moved into the realtionship part of this without all that much effort and it is fairly amazing where i think i am going with this. i stomped on plenty relationships in my active addiction as well in my periods of abstinence and yes even in active recovery. i have behaved as a self-entitled brat, and i totally understand the joy i get when i take a room full of hostages for however long i get to have that power over them. and do not make any mistake, taking hostages is a power trip. when i came to accept the first step and admit the powerlessness that was my life, i quickly started to look for power anywhere i could find it, and i discovered that meetings both regular ones and service committees provided plenty of opportunities to take a hostage or three and force them to choke down whatever it was that i NEEDED to feed them. it is perhaps becuse i find that behavior so aborhent in myself, that i have very little tolerance when i see it in others. i do know the dirty little secret, that when one is working a FOURTH STEP one's character defects are on display for all the world to see. so my intolerance and impatience seem to be the most prominent in my life these days. the hostage takers? well i have to learn to forgive them. i know full well, that they are conscious of what they are doing and when they get a little bit better they will realize that having the last word just to have the last word, is not the most spiritual behavior they can exercise. my keyboard, all fancy and new? well it is back in its box and will be returned to the place where i bought it, it is fortuitous that i seldom throw anything away, as my old keyboard works just fine. my laptop? well i will persevere and get it up and running as i work through the stuff that has piled up n my desk today. my FIFTH STEP, well that call and appointment will be made a bit later today, as it is far too early to start calling people when there is no pressing matter at hand.
what is the next right thing for me to do? go out for a run! it is a good day to be clean and i survived yet another FOURTH STEP!

∞ DT ∞