Blog entry for:

ability to make and keep commitments, through self-knowledge and more than a modicum of practical application of the steps. more than once in my recovery journey i have stayed far too long in a commitment, or even worse took a commitment because i thought it would lead to recovery fame and glory. 🤣 as ridiculous as the latter sounds today, way back when, it was quiet the driving force in my service junkie career. the former, however, still echoes in my life, even after leaving commitments behind from which i was more than ready to leave behind me. these days, my service commitments have risen to the top of the service structure of the fellowship that is my recovery home. i serve my home group, i sponsor men and i carry a message of HOPE and FREEDOM to those who cannot hear the message in regularly scheduled meetings. none of that is over-taxing, feels weird or ego-building and when i consider getting back into committee service, i have to ask what exactly are my motives to do so, at this time in my recovery journey? most of the time it is the notion that somehow the current trusted servants are in dire need of being rescued and i am the only one who can do it! 🤣
this morning, as i sat, i wondered if i was of service to the addict who reached out to me on (X)Twitter yesterday.. they asked me what my DOC was and i said “yours” as i really was an agnostic when it came to that stuff. if it got me high, it certainly was something i wanted to try at least three times. it really is ironic that no matter how many times i have heard it said that “we don't care what or how much you used,” that some folks are hung up on the what. even when i was a newcomer, i did not really care what drugs my peers used and how they happened to use them, so now after a long minute clean, that question is a bit bothersome. to me, if i am seeking identification with someone else, it is not going to be through what substances or behaviors, drove them to recovery. i could be like one of the men i sponsor and blame the drug treatment industry for putting these folks into buckets of substances and behaviors, rather than treating the whole addict. in reality, once they walk out to the real world, they too need to find a place where they feel, safe enough to allow themselves to get past the what, how and how much as quickly as possible so they can find the ways and means to become a part of the fellowship, rather than just being around it.
i do have to get some work done, this morning, so i will wrap up knowing that i am okay, my drug of choice was really and truly undetermined and i have the perfect amount of commitment in my life, just for today.

∞ DT ∞