Blog entry for:

the reading was about why i need to amend my broken relationships, through the EIGHTH and NINTH STEP process. i find nothing wrong with that idea, and wholeheartedly agree with it. what i heard this morning, goes down a different tack, and although it certainly could get lumped into the amends process, it is quite a different ball game. instead of just mending the place s in my relationships where i have done harm, i also need to look at my relationships and see where i can change the unhealthy ones. this fits under the aegis of living amends, top myself and to those with whom i have relationships. this started several years ago, and ended on friendship and is in the process of ending another one. as sad as that is, and it is sad, it is BECAUSE i am growing and changing the unhealthy bits that this is happening and not because i am tromping all over those others. yes, i can grow, but i cannot force anyone to grow with me, and when the relationship gets redefined, well sometimes it is just too much for them to handle.
i find that being a doormat for a bully is no longer acceptable, in any sense of the word. in both of these relationships, i was the volunteer victim to being bullied. i was intellectually battered by spiritual camouflage in one, and in the most recent, a blizzard of unmet expectations, of what i am supposed to be doing, what i am supposed to accept and how i am supposed to speak, when i am spoken to. i have no one in my life that is worth me volunteering for such treatment, and as i grow, i see more and more where my NEED for acceptance from the outside plays into both of these very sick and twisted relationships. in the long run, the lessons i am learning from the pain of detachment, make my remaining relationships that much healthier. no longer do i have to hide behind the guise of being passive-aggressive and oh so meek and mild-mannered, unfortunately, those others do not quite get get it and i am far from being diplomatic or kind when it comes to resetting the boundaries to somewhere acceptable to me. the good bit here, my most recent adventure with new frontiers went much better on my side than ever before, although i am not quite sure how it went on the other, as i have yet to hear from the very “injured” party. today i can walk through my relationships and find what i need to find to make them healthy and participate as an equal and not on either side of the bully stick. as i do so, the living amends part to me and others takes over and the corrective part of mending my broken relationships becomes less and less needed, and that is a good thing. there is one amends i need to make in the regard as i finally work through the process, but in order to do so, i NEED to make my list and move on.
speaking of moving on and relationships, it is time to head on over to work and do what i am getting paid to do, just for today.

∞ DT ∞