โ i have, and sometimes still do live as if i believe i am the last pereson on earth โ
Posted: Thu, Jul 15, 2010 08:06:17 AM
utterly blind to the effect my behavior has on those around me. i know that this reading spoke about STEP EIGHT, and i know that making a list and becoming willing is essential to working this step. this morning, however, as i am not currently working the EIGHTH STEP, i heard something entirely different. as it often happens, my amazing magnifying mind, takes off down tangents at light speed and i end up places that are nowhere close to where the reading started. this morning was no exception to that process.
looking over the seed headlines from my blog, i see i have been down the self-centered path before, and although that is a great topic for me to explore, it is not where i went either. no i zeroed in on a trait i have noticed lately all around me, so i know that it is s trait that is within me, that i am tiring of dealing with and one which i will be humbly ask to have removed RIGHT NOW. no, not the removed part, the asking part.
what has been irritating more and more in other people lately, is how fVcking self-absorbed they can, oblivious to the world around them and focused singly on getting whatever it is they feel they need. while one may call that self-centered, i see it as a further refinement of being self-centered, at least in myself. hence, the choice of the seed from the JFT reading. i know i am self-centered, but i can also see how oblivious i can be to what is going on around me. that lack of being present is what i call being self-absorbed and the way i see it is this. i see something i want and i do not care who else may desire that goal. BOOM, i have moved into being self-centered. now my behavior becomes so focused on attaining that goal, that i lose sight of everyone and everything else in the world. all of a sudden the ENDS justify whatever MEANS i need to attain them. i cannot and will not see what effect my actions are currently having on the world and there i am, stuck in the behavior that arise from being self-centered.
so where does that leave this morning? well i now see that part of the unmanageable mess my life is currently in, comes directly from this set of behaviors and sitting here stewing about it, will not make things any better. i have the solution in front of me, and perhaps the pain of not doing has finally becoming greater than the perceived pain of doing. as a result, i am beginning to find the willingness to move back into my step work. or maybe not.
anyhow, i feel less clueless and ready to take the dawg and myself out for our marathon walk. it is a good day top be clean, and perhaps i can let the SEVENTH STEP work in my life today.
looking over the seed headlines from my blog, i see i have been down the self-centered path before, and although that is a great topic for me to explore, it is not where i went either. no i zeroed in on a trait i have noticed lately all around me, so i know that it is s trait that is within me, that i am tiring of dealing with and one which i will be humbly ask to have removed RIGHT NOW. no, not the removed part, the asking part.
what has been irritating more and more in other people lately, is how fVcking self-absorbed they can, oblivious to the world around them and focused singly on getting whatever it is they feel they need. while one may call that self-centered, i see it as a further refinement of being self-centered, at least in myself. hence, the choice of the seed from the JFT reading. i know i am self-centered, but i can also see how oblivious i can be to what is going on around me. that lack of being present is what i call being self-absorbed and the way i see it is this. i see something i want and i do not care who else may desire that goal. BOOM, i have moved into being self-centered. now my behavior becomes so focused on attaining that goal, that i lose sight of everyone and everything else in the world. all of a sudden the ENDS justify whatever MEANS i need to attain them. i cannot and will not see what effect my actions are currently having on the world and there i am, stuck in the behavior that arise from being self-centered.
so where does that leave this morning? well i now see that part of the unmanageable mess my life is currently in, comes directly from this set of behaviors and sitting here stewing about it, will not make things any better. i have the solution in front of me, and perhaps the pain of not doing has finally becoming greater than the perceived pain of doing. as a result, i am beginning to find the willingness to move back into my step work. or maybe not.
anyhow, i feel less clueless and ready to take the dawg and myself out for our marathon walk. it is a good day top be clean, and perhaps i can let the SEVENTH STEP work in my life today.
∞ DT ∞