Blog entry for:

that the POWER that fuels my recovery has given me, knowing that is the ONLY way for me to keep it. although, the seed of this exercise, is not what i heard this morning, it certainly gets me down that track. all this talk of love and GOD's love, at times makes me uncomfortable, especially since i have stripped away all the human attributes from the POWER that fuels my recovery. for me, that is just how it works, and although in my worldview, it would be hard to say that POWER loves me, IT certainly has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams and filled me with something so indescribable, that love comes the closest to touching it, although it misses the mark by a light year or three.
a warning to the fragile and insecure: if you have not yet detected it yet, this writing will speak of the divine and my current view in terms that are not quite what you may be used to.
as i grow, i have shed many of the needs were part of my early recovery. just because i cannot describe the face of GOD,means just that. i have grown beyond the place where the POWER that fuels my recovery needs to be defined, constrained or anthropomorphized. when i came to this journey, i never foresaw the day, where i would be trying to navigate between what i see and what others thing, especially when it comes to talking about the divine, the profane and the mundane. the gifts i have been given from that POWER are also beyond my capability to describe, so for lack of a better or even more accurate term, i will use the word love. the real question than comes down to how in the world do i know i am getting love and what the fVck do i need to do with it? the signs that i am loved are extremely obvious: i am here today, clean, content, and grateful for the life i have been given. i have structure in my life, where once all was chaos and i have direction, where once i was aimlessly wandering. i should have ended up homeless or in prison, based on my behaviors, and the way i was, instead i got planted into the rooms of recovery. although i resisted and still continue to resist today., for the most part i have been assimilated into that POWER and now i have the desire to give the power i have received, and yes you can call it love, away. the power to stay clean today, is THE greatest gift i receive form the POWER that fuels my recovery and as cold as it may sound, that is all i want, right here and right now. that will change as i get in the shower, and hit the n streets, but just for right now, that is sufficient for me. which reminds me, it is time to move forward into my day and allow myself the opportunity to give away all that i have been given, at least in respect to the love God has given me. it is after all, a great day to be walking a path to destinations unknown.

∞ DT ∞