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...that lies at the core of addiction. i wake up to a new reality: All that is worth having can be kept only by giving it away. so i am off to a way early start this morning, not as early as i first feared, my eyes popped open full awake at four-thirty AM and i was afraid i would bot get back to sleep, alas, i was wrong , and i slept quite peacefully for a couple more hours. so anyhow, of yeah, this reading was about awakening to a new reality, well i do not know how new, perhaps a more precise way to describe it, would be a new reality to me.so i can go blithely forward, secure in my insecurity or turmoil, or i can listen to what is going on inside me, and to what the world is telling me and move into each new day, or perhaps each new reality.
i do understand how selfish and self-centered i have, am and will be. i could easily dismiss that with the simple rationalization, after all i am just an addict, and return to my soporific state of ignorant bliss. life would still go on, and i would still be here, but i would miss the opportunity to become the person i wish to become, even if i am uncertain about who that man is. needless to say, i have been through a bunch of stuff over the past ninety days, that has tossed my ship all over the place. my reaction, at one time in the not to distant past, would have been to run away and retreat into something that reminded (at least emotionally) me of the warm wet place in which i started my life. those comfortable behaviors that i have carried forward into my recovery, that allow me to sink back in to my slumber. what this time things are different, can only be because i have been actively living a program of recovery, i am taking responsibility to maintain my program and i am being present for what the world is trying to tell me.
so anyhow, what the world is telling me now, is that it is time to get outside and put my miles in. there is a whole bunch of work waiting to get done, and i do not want to spend the whole weekend doing it!

∞ DT ∞