Blog entry for:

returning to normal or what the government calls standard time, is always such a treat for me. yes i know, i will be driving in the dark on my way home, BUT at noon, the sun will be at it's highest point in the sky, which to me, feels much more natural than the light at the end of the day. the reading was not about the manipulation or attempted manipulation of time by business and their toadies in government, but it does make me think about puppets on a string, and how i used to see any sort or notion of GOD. i will not get into that exact discussion to today, as way back then, i was still sleeping and not paying attention to anything of substance, except the next substance. i would have told i was deep and thoughtful, but the truth is, i was shallow, biased and reactionary. life in recovery, remains to this day, a not very subtle awakening to the world around me, especially those with whom i share my life.
the metaphor of altering time, is a particularly apt one. there are just do many hours in a day, no matter how one chooses to look at it, the Great and Power OZ, does not change the length of light during the day, and in the end, all shifting that light back and forth does, is confuse the intrinsic clocks of the very people it is designed to benefit. as i “define” everything including the spiritual side of life, into nice neat categories, i miss whatever it is i am feeling, because like the government and big bidness, i pretend i am actually helping my cause, when all i am doing is lulling myself to sleep. again.
as i have worked this set of steps, what was, and what is, have been slowly revealed to me, through the process of several awakenings, and it has nothing to do with what i think. in this instance what i feel, is more important than what i think. as i strayed further and further off the path of what is the standard train of thought, when it comes to how my peers, see the spiritual side of the program, i felt more and more certain, that for me i was on the right path. sure, it has taken me a bit of accommodation to return to the fold, as it were, BUT there is nothing in this journey that needs to be “fixed.”
i know i have been a frequent whiner when i comes to feeling my way to what the relationship with the POWER that fuels my recovery needs to be, for me. i have been whining about how feeling my way to any solution felt “wrong.” the truth is, that feeling my way to the answer, has been exactly what i NEEDED to do, and as i awaken to that truth i am stronger in my recovery, than ever before.
moving forward, i see myself coming to grips with what i feel and finally being able to express myself succinctly about it, when asked. yes my elevator pitch of what the spiritual side of my program looks like, is nearly ironed out, finally after stumbling around in the dark, trying to find a way to become part of my fellowship, instead of a part from, like one of the men who once called my his sponsor. he was unable to come to terms about what happens here and where his path was taking him, and i certainly hope that he found his way. his example, paved the way for my eventual awakening and for that i am grateful he was a part of my life, once upon a time, for just a minute.
it si a good day to be clean and i am certainly right where i am supposed to be, and that is far from being eveil, heinous or out of sorts.

∞ DT ∞