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my acceptance falls short, is not a skill with which i entered recovery. it was not something i acquired in mere abstinence, nor one that blossomed into existence the day i accepted that i needed something more. if i were to be totally honest, it is still a skill i am developing to this day, even with a long minute clean. the best i seem to be able to do, on a day to day basis, is to catalogue my frustration with a situation and then and only then, realize that i have failed, once again, to accept what i cannot change. there is still a HUGE part of me, that believes that i have power in all sorts of places and situations, where i absolutely have none. the more i attempt to reign that part of me in, the worse it gets. this is the crux of my issue with acceptance, i am not as good as i want to appear at doing it.
my source material suggests that i am better at practicing acceptance than i give myself credit for, and perhaps that is truly the case, i am, after all, my own worst critic. even though dwelling in the past is not an activity that is healthy for me, it does provide a bit of perspective as to where i am at today. where once i walked through my day in a perpetual state of anger, waiting for the next show to drop, today i can walk through my day with a bit of calm and serenity, responding to the events, rather than reacting to them. most of the time, my responses are appropriately scaled to what happened and i lack a desire to escalate situations that really are of little or no consequence to me. tit-for-tat is still part of my bag of tricks, bit something i need not pull out and practice on a regular basis. humbly accepting who i am and what i can do, is much easier these days, now that i have a better idea of who i am not. all in all, i guess i really am doing better at acceptance than i care to admit.
i guess with that, it is time to suit up and get out into this chilly morning. IF i want to drop the extra poundage i have acquired over the past year, i certainly need to step up my exercise program. just for today, however, i will accept that a bit of extra baggage is what i am carrying and the best part is it is certainly something i can change and do not have to glumly accept.

∞ DT ∞